Harassment Today, Yesterday and Tomorrow--What Does it all Mean?

Several years ago I mentioned in a blog post about an incident when I was skating on the synchronized team about a little article that was in our local paper shortly before we were to defend our national championship. I still have the article and look at it occasionally and fondly remember those special skating times. Shortly after the article appeared I received a fan letter (I still have it). This was before the anything was something you had to be careful of. I think today, because of media and news coverage in mostly the negative we have become a society of constant paranoia. Yes, we should always be aware but does being overly cautious take the fun out of things?  Several versions of the truth or opinions travel the Internet I never thought the fan letter I received was anything but. I didn't read into it and think, is this person going to stock me?  Appear at the skating rink? It was just a simple thanks for providing the article and this person's joy of watching skaters hone the sport they enjoy. I am a fan of several former figure skaters and am just putting it out; I will try and not stalk you on social media.

Another skating scenario came up where an inappropriate touch was made by a random individual to several of the ladies on our team. Again, this was back in the day maybe early 90's. We were walking along a pier and it was quick and hard to really react. This specific incident surprised us all so much at that time that we really had no recourse in doing anything--it was so quick and he ran off that what could you do. It is a memory and it happened and if he did it frequently maybe he did it too someone who could do something about it. Touching is an interesting thing; some people don't mind being touched but when it comes to the places where you should ask before touching still applies.

Now I turn to my experiences in harassment in the workplace. Again, back in the day, when I was a young office worker and public service employee, it was hard sometimes to know where to draw the line but the lines were sometimes vague. By today's standard I probably could have shouted harassment but my line was like chalk lines--easily drawn and then erased.  Some comments were made by men who at the time somewhat similar to what is happening today. They were allowed to get away with jokes, innuendo's and casual sexist conversations.  It was chalked up to consider the person, the time and whether to make it a situation that could affect your working situation. Did it hurt me? Yes. Jokes are jokes but when you lump it together it can be hurtful and make for very difficult times.

Today, I have to say I am older, wiser and have been around longer so I probably wouldn't take the same comments. Some people are thick skinned and can let things roll off their backs. Should you? Sometimes yes, unless it gets to be a continuing habit. Should you draw that chalk line and let them know? Yes, sometimes you need to set the tone of how you want people to treat you.


I see it as the new generation comes up. They can sometimes be mean, hurtful and push those boundaries. They get it from media, how they are raised and what they see in everyday life situations.  It isn't always about toughening up, being thick skinned or just ignoring situations. It is teaching about right from wrong and how to define it better.

Nice people still exist, often it is hard to find them sometimes.  What you allow and accept is up to you.  You can either accept anything and everything at face value, voice an opinion follow through but for everything has a consequence and sometimes those consequences will come back from yesterday and make today and tomorrow oh so different.

Are We So Out of Touch We Can't See the Forest from the Trees?

 Does it take Hurricane Matthew to uproot the palm trees for people to get the message? Do you ask certain questions of friends and family and because they don't either have an answer or don't want to engage or confront the situation at hand that you receive that far off blank facial expression with a slight grimace or half smile?

Some interesting scenarios have come forward with Hurricane Matthew this week hitting the eastern seaboard. One news station was interviewing a woman who lived off the coast of Florida. The interview started with the newsman stating matter-of-fact "are you dumb or what?". He seemed as though he might have known the person interviewed by just the conversation they had back and forth but in a nutshell she said "we don't feel as though it is really going to be as bad as they say". Well no one has a direct line to Mother Nature but hurricanes (although thank goodness I have never experienced one) does look pretty intense. If it isn't the wind or rain it will be the surging water levels that can make you see your maker just a little sooner than expected.  I have heard first hand from people who experienced Hurricane Katrina in the Gulf coast and they are glad that they made it out when they did. In my estimation I will stick to my philosophy in that I would much rather be in an earthquake than a tornado or hurricane. No questions.

This week has been tough in that I have known several people who have passed on just in the last couple weeks. Yes, I know now that I myself am almost surely more than half way through my probable lifespan (55 in a few weeks sounds so strange rolling off my tongue) but this as they say happens as you get older although your hope is that that at least you get to reach a more golden age. Either by freak accidents, the damn "C" word or just being their time to go, way to many have been called to rest on the permanent lounge chair.

October is noted for many things. The beginning of Fall, Breast Cancer Awareness, Domestic Violence Month, Halloween and many other noteworthy things. Going to that place I sometimes find myself'; is it strange that just the things I listed above deal with death? Yes, it isn't always the outcome, laughter, renewal, rebounding comes to mind but with the fall colors I first think of death.

At a meeting this past week we had a role playing program that discussed different scenarios in Domestic Violence situations.  Our scenario dealt with a  black, married couple, both successful practicing lawyers and the husband continually abused his wife. We were asked to chose  "the victim" at our table and we had to come up with her possible choices of what to do step by step. Some of the choices were to: seek out a friend or family, clergy, contact the police etc. Our table discussed the possibilities and commented whether she would leave or return each time or make other choices. Ultimately, we hoped our person didn't end up at a tragic end. Personally I have always said, "if a man touched me even once in any violent manner--out the door I would go, no question. No return date. Thankfully, I picked the right man for me and after 32 years married, yes we have argued but never came fist to cuffs.

Most of us that evening had in some way, shape or form had had at least one instance where we had been aware of some sort of domestic violence in our lives. The other tables had other interesting scenarios to deal with and ultimately one tables' "victim" did not have a pleasant outcome. After each scenario was completed we discussed around the room.

 It was shocking to hear one person indicate that she was surprised in today's society how widespread it domestic violence really is.   Whether this person is "out of touch" that is still a question for me.  We should never be too old to spread the branches on our trees and see that wide vast forest beyond our own noses. Anything is possible these days, whether we accept it or not. If the tree gets blown away by a hurricane, or chopped down due to an uninformed individual, lets keep our world supplied with new growth.

Information is available about Domestic Violence assistance. CASA Citizens Against Spousal Abuse, Inc. have Shelters around the country or The National Network to End Domestic Violence have Facebook pages and websites.