With just a couple more days left on my bittersweet trip to CA, I have had many days to reflect on this whole excursion. For the last several days I have felt like Dorothy at the end of the Wizard of Oz...you always think things are going to be better somewhere else but when reality sets in your own backyard really isn't that bad after all.
Although I have enjoyed reliving the past with everyone I have seen on this adventure, it has been a little bittersweet. When we left California 13 years it was a rather big adjustment and sometimes as I have very vocally admitted it's been rough but now that I have been able to experience everything out here again, I have found, it's not really so bad. I guess I will have to pull up this blog each time I get a little upset at things.
When I look how it could have been I will admit I am a little glad that we did make the move. I know it was definitely better for all of us but especially for our kids. Midwest life is definitely alot different and I think I didn't allow myself to appreciate until now. Frankly, they need a few lessons on things out here but that would probably be a waste of time. Everyone seems to be so consumed in themselves and not really caring what goes on around them or in other places.
Maybe after almost 48 years I have finally admitted to myself I have grown up and instead of seeing the cup half empty it's really half full. That's happened alot this year, maybe that just means there is more good things to come and be happy with all that our family has.
So whenever I get a little out of line, just remind me about the California Trip of 2009
Friday, August 21, 2009
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
You Can't Go "Home" Again
I am at my halfway point on my two week excursion out to California for the first time in eight years. My how things have changed.. In one week Catalina Island, a 30 year high school reunion, and a trip to Disneyland to name a few...If that doesn't put your mind spinning. (For those who truly know me as a person you will be the only one's who will probably understand this comment)
Unfortunately, I think I like alot of people revert back to old memories and sometimes my expectations are slightly disappointing on how I would wish things to be the same.. Sadly, I know that's not the case anywhere anymore. Nothing can stay the same. Times, people, economics everything must change and move on. I guess I am having a little emotionally charged issue with that.
The term "out of sight, out of mind" keeps reverberating in me. Yes, e-mail and facebook and myspace are the new waves of communications but nothing beats the face-to-face contact with people.
People have asked me "is it different for you?" Oh yes!! The street names are the same and I have not gotten lost but only a few memorable landmarks still remain in a few places for me. The melting pot has gotten way to complicated for me and something I am glad I don't have to deal with quiet as much in small town America. Many friends have asked me "would I move back again?" I wouldn't mind short trips for a little "CA fix" but I can't believe I have to admit I think I have learned to enjoy the quiet back where we live...Those who I know back in my MO home are probably going to say "I told you so" and I will admit it.
I guess I just won't wait maybe as long to come out to visit, but sadly I don't think I could live here full-time again. I think maybe what I have gotten out of this trip up to this point is, not everything is always the way it seems (people and places included)..
It has been an experience and the good with the bad I am glad I have been able to come.. What doesn't kill me will make me stronger... I know enough with the quotes but...hey it seems to be what I'm coming up with to sum up this experience so far.....
Unfortunately, I think I like alot of people revert back to old memories and sometimes my expectations are slightly disappointing on how I would wish things to be the same.. Sadly, I know that's not the case anywhere anymore. Nothing can stay the same. Times, people, economics everything must change and move on. I guess I am having a little emotionally charged issue with that.
The term "out of sight, out of mind" keeps reverberating in me. Yes, e-mail and facebook and myspace are the new waves of communications but nothing beats the face-to-face contact with people.
People have asked me "is it different for you?" Oh yes!! The street names are the same and I have not gotten lost but only a few memorable landmarks still remain in a few places for me. The melting pot has gotten way to complicated for me and something I am glad I don't have to deal with quiet as much in small town America. Many friends have asked me "would I move back again?" I wouldn't mind short trips for a little "CA fix" but I can't believe I have to admit I think I have learned to enjoy the quiet back where we live...Those who I know back in my MO home are probably going to say "I told you so" and I will admit it.
I guess I just won't wait maybe as long to come out to visit, but sadly I don't think I could live here full-time again. I think maybe what I have gotten out of this trip up to this point is, not everything is always the way it seems (people and places included)..
It has been an experience and the good with the bad I am glad I have been able to come.. What doesn't kill me will make me stronger... I know enough with the quotes but...hey it seems to be what I'm coming up with to sum up this experience so far.....
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Dealing with Everyday Issues-Post Partum, Empty Nesters and other Syndromes
This last week was one for the books. It started off getting expected news that mother-in-laws cancer was back and on to a new treatment. Something we expected but of course disappointing news.
From that low to the following day celebrating 25 years of marriage. Although we celebrated the last time David was home the day came and went with me pulling out my pictures from that day and brought with it some great and also painful memories. It was the day my life changed forever in not only one way but it was also the start of the spiraling down of my family that I grew up with for the first 21 years. The good outweighed the bad but I couldn't help feel that sadness creeping into my celebration. But the day wasn't a total bust, I treated myself to a massage and my friend rubbed all the toxic thoughts out of my mind.
The following three days were filled with lunches, dinners and topped off with my half-day beautification on Friday.
You are probably asking what does this have to do with the title of the blog? The topic of post-partum depression came up several times this week and it made me think of how hectic my life has pretty much always been no matter what point in time of my life. This is something I didn't experience with either of my children. I didn't have time. With our son Matthew I was back to work the required six weeks after birth. Yes I felt guilty but with no choice but to take him each morning to David's aunt I knew it was for the best. We needed the double income since we had only been married for a short time so I knew I was doing what was best for the family. 16 months later we were in a slightly different situation, I took a six month leave of absence. I had promoted up several positions since Matthew was born and felt I was able to take the time and spend with both of them.
I know I will probably get alot of raised eyebrows for this next comment but I would venture to say those who stay at home with there children have probably a higher percentage of going through post-partum then those who return to work quickly. The more time they have to try and juggle the time being at home 24/7 gives them no outlet to push through the possibility of being depressed. What we chose to do as individuals always raises some interesting debate. I have mentioned in several posts how stay-at-home moms and working moms get alot of flack. I have been on both sides of the fence. I chose to be a stay-at-home mom later in our children's lives but felt that would benefit them more in the long run. When they both went off the college I went through a short period of empty nester but I managed to pull up my boot strings and get involved not only in community groups but also continue to run our business and then another consultant business on the side.
As I began to reach the AARP age of maturity I think getting older puts me more into a funk sometimes than any of the other prior syndromes. But I always try and remember "Your as young as you feel" if you keep a young attitude things will always be in your favor. Keep active and try, try not to let things get you down. Would I do it over again? Yes but with a few minor changes of course, wouldn't we all truthfully??
From that low to the following day celebrating 25 years of marriage. Although we celebrated the last time David was home the day came and went with me pulling out my pictures from that day and brought with it some great and also painful memories. It was the day my life changed forever in not only one way but it was also the start of the spiraling down of my family that I grew up with for the first 21 years. The good outweighed the bad but I couldn't help feel that sadness creeping into my celebration. But the day wasn't a total bust, I treated myself to a massage and my friend rubbed all the toxic thoughts out of my mind.
The following three days were filled with lunches, dinners and topped off with my half-day beautification on Friday.
You are probably asking what does this have to do with the title of the blog? The topic of post-partum depression came up several times this week and it made me think of how hectic my life has pretty much always been no matter what point in time of my life. This is something I didn't experience with either of my children. I didn't have time. With our son Matthew I was back to work the required six weeks after birth. Yes I felt guilty but with no choice but to take him each morning to David's aunt I knew it was for the best. We needed the double income since we had only been married for a short time so I knew I was doing what was best for the family. 16 months later we were in a slightly different situation, I took a six month leave of absence. I had promoted up several positions since Matthew was born and felt I was able to take the time and spend with both of them.
I know I will probably get alot of raised eyebrows for this next comment but I would venture to say those who stay at home with there children have probably a higher percentage of going through post-partum then those who return to work quickly. The more time they have to try and juggle the time being at home 24/7 gives them no outlet to push through the possibility of being depressed. What we chose to do as individuals always raises some interesting debate. I have mentioned in several posts how stay-at-home moms and working moms get alot of flack. I have been on both sides of the fence. I chose to be a stay-at-home mom later in our children's lives but felt that would benefit them more in the long run. When they both went off the college I went through a short period of empty nester but I managed to pull up my boot strings and get involved not only in community groups but also continue to run our business and then another consultant business on the side.
As I began to reach the AARP age of maturity I think getting older puts me more into a funk sometimes than any of the other prior syndromes. But I always try and remember "Your as young as you feel" if you keep a young attitude things will always be in your favor. Keep active and try, try not to let things get you down. Would I do it over again? Yes but with a few minor changes of course, wouldn't we all truthfully??
Monday, August 3, 2009
Where Have we Come-Where are we Going-Health Care
I just finished reading a friend's blog and it got me thinking even more about where are health care is today and if there is any hope at all for health care to become something that will benefit everyone.
Her journey with her husband and Alzheimer's brought a new awareness for her that is still continuing even after his passing. She has a passion for bringing this disease its issues and hopefully some days its cure to the forefront. She is but one person that I personally have come in contact with in the past 4 years that each time another issue comes up it makes me stop and take notice of how inadequate our system really is. Where do we start? I'm not really sure. Sometimes for me just the thought not only makes my blood boil but my head spin. I am sure this is how everyone concerned feels but I know I feel every time something new crops its ugly head I feel not only defeated but totally helpless not only for my family but myself included.
Today my mother-in-law must go through another type of treatment for her melanoma. We were prepared ahead of time but when the words came out the process she must go through even before she can get pills in hand are in her case-- laughable.
This new treatment medicine was used back in the 40's and 50's during pregnancy to combat morning sickness. It was taken off the market many years ago after finding it caused severe birth defects in babies born during this era. Later they found that it helps many types of cancers.
While talking to the doctor today he stated that part of the process on seeing whether or not she will qualify to take it is to complete a phone survey on the use of the drug and to make sure that she doesn't get pregnant.. My first question to the doctor is why would the company not know that a 79 year old woman, mind you with a hysterectomy is unable to have children. He chuckled and stated, "that is their process, whether they require a call each time I am not for sure". I think she is obviously more concerned about whether she will be able to afford the medicine more than anything even with additional insurance.
Time and time again I keep hearing that "it's much more important to have insurance, and a higher deductible, than it is to have no insurance".. I am not so sure that I totally agree with this statement because it seems sometimes as though the people who have no insurance actually get better care than those with insurance.
I know for myself I prefer to pay my way in society but not to the point that it comes down to whether or not I can afford a procedure or to eat. Sadly, this has what it has come to for some.
I 'm still not sure where we are going, I seem to just be along for the ride.. Oh yeah, I am not a very good backseat driver....
Her journey with her husband and Alzheimer's brought a new awareness for her that is still continuing even after his passing. She has a passion for bringing this disease its issues and hopefully some days its cure to the forefront. She is but one person that I personally have come in contact with in the past 4 years that each time another issue comes up it makes me stop and take notice of how inadequate our system really is. Where do we start? I'm not really sure. Sometimes for me just the thought not only makes my blood boil but my head spin. I am sure this is how everyone concerned feels but I know I feel every time something new crops its ugly head I feel not only defeated but totally helpless not only for my family but myself included.
Today my mother-in-law must go through another type of treatment for her melanoma. We were prepared ahead of time but when the words came out the process she must go through even before she can get pills in hand are in her case-- laughable.
This new treatment medicine was used back in the 40's and 50's during pregnancy to combat morning sickness. It was taken off the market many years ago after finding it caused severe birth defects in babies born during this era. Later they found that it helps many types of cancers.
While talking to the doctor today he stated that part of the process on seeing whether or not she will qualify to take it is to complete a phone survey on the use of the drug and to make sure that she doesn't get pregnant.. My first question to the doctor is why would the company not know that a 79 year old woman, mind you with a hysterectomy is unable to have children. He chuckled and stated, "that is their process, whether they require a call each time I am not for sure". I think she is obviously more concerned about whether she will be able to afford the medicine more than anything even with additional insurance.
Time and time again I keep hearing that "it's much more important to have insurance, and a higher deductible, than it is to have no insurance".. I am not so sure that I totally agree with this statement because it seems sometimes as though the people who have no insurance actually get better care than those with insurance.
I know for myself I prefer to pay my way in society but not to the point that it comes down to whether or not I can afford a procedure or to eat. Sadly, this has what it has come to for some.
I 'm still not sure where we are going, I seem to just be along for the ride.. Oh yeah, I am not a very good backseat driver....
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