This last week was one for the books. It started off getting expected news that mother-in-laws cancer was back and on to a new treatment. Something we expected but of course disappointing news.
From that low to the following day celebrating 25 years of marriage. Although we celebrated the last time David was home the day came and went with me pulling out my pictures from that day and brought with it some great and also painful memories. It was the day my life changed forever in not only one way but it was also the start of the spiraling down of my family that I grew up with for the first 21 years. The good outweighed the bad but I couldn't help feel that sadness creeping into my celebration. But the day wasn't a total bust, I treated myself to a massage and my friend rubbed all the toxic thoughts out of my mind.
The following three days were filled with lunches, dinners and topped off with my half-day beautification on Friday.
You are probably asking what does this have to do with the title of the blog? The topic of post-partum depression came up several times this week and it made me think of how hectic my life has pretty much always been no matter what point in time of my life. This is something I didn't experience with either of my children. I didn't have time. With our son Matthew I was back to work the required six weeks after birth. Yes I felt guilty but with no choice but to take him each morning to David's aunt I knew it was for the best. We needed the double income since we had only been married for a short time so I knew I was doing what was best for the family. 16 months later we were in a slightly different situation, I took a six month leave of absence. I had promoted up several positions since Matthew was born and felt I was able to take the time and spend with both of them.
I know I will probably get alot of raised eyebrows for this next comment but I would venture to say those who stay at home with there children have probably a higher percentage of going through post-partum then those who return to work quickly. The more time they have to try and juggle the time being at home 24/7 gives them no outlet to push through the possibility of being depressed. What we chose to do as individuals always raises some interesting debate. I have mentioned in several posts how stay-at-home moms and working moms get alot of flack. I have been on both sides of the fence. I chose to be a stay-at-home mom later in our children's lives but felt that would benefit them more in the long run. When they both went off the college I went through a short period of empty nester but I managed to pull up my boot strings and get involved not only in community groups but also continue to run our business and then another consultant business on the side.
As I began to reach the AARP age of maturity I think getting older puts me more into a funk sometimes than any of the other prior syndromes. But I always try and remember "Your as young as you feel" if you keep a young attitude things will always be in your favor. Keep active and try, try not to let things get you down. Would I do it over again? Yes but with a few minor changes of course, wouldn't we all truthfully??
2 comments:
I think you are correct--stay-at-home moms are more likely to be depressed. I know I was right after my kids were born! I was overwhelmed, tired all the time, and more depressed than I had ever been in my life. And I loved my kids with all my heart!
I can honestly say that I felt older then than I do now.
Complex issue really, as it depends so much on circumstances, previous experiences, and maternity provision for working mothers.
I work full time and returned to work 3 months after my first child was born (in the UK at the time we got 18 weeks paid maternity leave), with my second child 7 years later my return was nearly 6 months after the birth, with some annual leave attached (by that time the allowance was 26 weeks maternity leave, including time off before the birth). So much more generous than in the USA - your maternity allowance horrifies me. I was post natally depressed with the first child but not the second, with whom I was much more chilled and determined to avoid the mistakes I made first time round.
I loved returning to work each time and the mental challenge it gave me though it was very tiring juggling everything, but first time round the return was not an ease back to work as the second time was and I think this made a big difference for me and my ability to cope as a mum and breadwinner. For me being a stay at home mum is just not an option.
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