As Mother's Day Approaches

Time certainly does fly. It doesn't seem possible that it is already May. I also have to admit that this is probably the first year in a very long time that Mother's Day has quickly approached for me without a second thought. Then the advertising and commercials for flowers, and other items comes on the radio or television and it makes me go back what seems like a lifetime ago.

It doesn't seem at all possible that 18 years has gone by since I found my birth mother and family. Although the process of searching has become more simplified with technology, now information can be but keystrokes away. Seven years of leads, letters, more research, false hopes and then a simple blind letter to an address changed my life forever. I'm not sure I was fully prepared for what was yet to come at the time, but everything since then has changed my perspective on a lot of issues on so many levels.

I have a binder marked Adoption that has every piece of information leading to a life that took me to many different places. Some pleasant, some not so pleasant. My search went from a bittersweet meeting to just being content knowing where I came from but that binder holds the keys to where I came from. A little bizarre when you really think that a binder can hold the key to a life.

I am asked frequently whether it was worth it all. In a word, Yes it was. I would rather live in truth then to live my life with lies and half truths. To coin a saying that my husbands absolutely hates, "It is what it is". Sometimes the truth hurts, I have found that out a lot too. I always love the part in "A Few Good Men". "The truth, you can't handle the truth". Many people can't handle what they perceive to be true. I will admit I haven't always handled all the information well but it is a part of my history and somethings you just can't change.

Sometimes I hate to admit that I am more like my family members than I care too. This is probably why our communications with each other is almost non-existent. Everybody handles there "truth" different. I also have to say because I was raised by another family I also picked up a lot of those family traits which sometimes helped me get through my process.

Today adoption is such an different and can be a more open process, much more than it was long ago. Probably for good reasons. Now the process usually takes more consideration of what the child may need in the present and later in their future.

I am a part of a time when adoption was a hush-hush, sweep under the rug event. Secrets don't always stay hidden and I don't believe it does anyone involved justice to be secretive. I found that be protective most of my early life probably did more harm than good.

I have never asked or wanted the pity some want to give me for having been adopted. I do admit I am lucky to have been born. I'm not sure I agree with some people who are adopted considering themselves special in being picked by their parents. It probably is true for some but sometimes I am not sure that all parents truly know what they are taking on adopting a child. Having a child and giving away or keeping to raise yourself always has its pitfalls. It's never easy, no book can tell you everything and all you can do is hope your decisions will be right for them.

Even in the 1960's women could decide to have a back room abortion. I am thankful my mother chose not too. Although debated, I am also glad today women have a choice, not always politically or morally correct, until you walk in a women's shoes and know what the situations are no woman should be told what they are to do. It's a personal decision.

Thank you Mom for having the strength to put me up for adoption, thank you to my Mom and Dad for raising me the best way they knew how, thank you to all my grandmother's for being special ladies in my life. Thank you to all Mom's everywhere. Mother's Day is not just one day a year, it is 365 days a year.