Adoption-Truths and Lies

I am in the middle of reading Barbara Walters book "Audition" a Memoir. Over the years like alot of people I have watched her specials and yes I do watch "The View" when I get a chance. I don't always agree with any of them on the show but that's the joy of watching. It does make you take notice sometimes. Anyway I have gotten to the chapter in her book that covers her daughter Jackie's life which she said was the hardest chapter to write.

She adopted her at a time when the adoption process was kept quiet both for the biological mother and the adoptive family. (I can relate to this) Her daughter has never wanted to know who gave her up which is a chose alot of adoptees make (but one that I didn't).'

One quote her daughter makes in the book hit close to home for me being adopted. She said, "Almost every adopted child feels a sense of loss and suffers from an "inner abandonment" something she thinks every adopted child lives with. I totally agree with this. It doesn't matter if you find out at a young age or at 28 years old like I did. No matter how much you go over it in your mind, it is what it is. Whether it was " in your best interest" or not it is almost always interpreted as abandonment.

It seems as though Barbara Walters' daughter has made her adjustments, she had some rough years like we all did, some later than others but she has made her peace too it seems.

I am still a work in progress, I am not sure I will ever "make my peace". I have come to the conclusion after almost 16 years after "my find" that no family is perfect, they are who they are, you except them with the flaws and try to go on with the life you have made the best you can, with them or without them.

At this point, most of the important characters in my saga are now gone: my biological mother and grandmother, and the one's the are still around have there own problems trying to cope with life as they choose to live it with the baggage they have collected over the years.


I feel sad they aren't a part of my life but some I had to make the choice to keep out of my life and other's made the choice for me. If any of them happen to read this, (which I doubt they will) I love them, wish them luck in their lives and can only hope instead of living in the past they could live in what future we could have..