I am at my halfway point on my two week excursion out to California for the first time in eight years. My how things have changed.. In one week Catalina Island, a 30 year high school reunion, and a trip to Disneyland to name a few...If that doesn't put your mind spinning. (For those who truly know me as a person you will be the only one's who will probably understand this comment)
Unfortunately, I think I like alot of people revert back to old memories and sometimes my expectations are slightly disappointing on how I would wish things to be the same.. Sadly, I know that's not the case anywhere anymore. Nothing can stay the same. Times, people, economics everything must change and move on. I guess I am having a little emotionally charged issue with that.
The term "out of sight, out of mind" keeps reverberating in me. Yes, e-mail and facebook and myspace are the new waves of communications but nothing beats the face-to-face contact with people.
People have asked me "is it different for you?" Oh yes!! The street names are the same and I have not gotten lost but only a few memorable landmarks still remain in a few places for me. The melting pot has gotten way to complicated for me and something I am glad I don't have to deal with quiet as much in small town America. Many friends have asked me "would I move back again?" I wouldn't mind short trips for a little "CA fix" but I can't believe I have to admit I think I have learned to enjoy the quiet back where we live...Those who I know back in my MO home are probably going to say "I told you so" and I will admit it.
I guess I just won't wait maybe as long to come out to visit, but sadly I don't think I could live here full-time again. I think maybe what I have gotten out of this trip up to this point is, not everything is always the way it seems (people and places included)..
It has been an experience and the good with the bad I am glad I have been able to come.. What doesn't kill me will make me stronger... I know enough with the quotes but...hey it seems to be what I'm coming up with to sum up this experience so far.....
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Dealing with Everyday Issues-Post Partum, Empty Nesters and other Syndromes
This last week was one for the books. It started off getting expected news that mother-in-laws cancer was back and on to a new treatment. Something we expected but of course disappointing news.
From that low to the following day celebrating 25 years of marriage. Although we celebrated the last time David was home the day came and went with me pulling out my pictures from that day and brought with it some great and also painful memories. It was the day my life changed forever in not only one way but it was also the start of the spiraling down of my family that I grew up with for the first 21 years. The good outweighed the bad but I couldn't help feel that sadness creeping into my celebration. But the day wasn't a total bust, I treated myself to a massage and my friend rubbed all the toxic thoughts out of my mind.
The following three days were filled with lunches, dinners and topped off with my half-day beautification on Friday.
You are probably asking what does this have to do with the title of the blog? The topic of post-partum depression came up several times this week and it made me think of how hectic my life has pretty much always been no matter what point in time of my life. This is something I didn't experience with either of my children. I didn't have time. With our son Matthew I was back to work the required six weeks after birth. Yes I felt guilty but with no choice but to take him each morning to David's aunt I knew it was for the best. We needed the double income since we had only been married for a short time so I knew I was doing what was best for the family. 16 months later we were in a slightly different situation, I took a six month leave of absence. I had promoted up several positions since Matthew was born and felt I was able to take the time and spend with both of them.
I know I will probably get alot of raised eyebrows for this next comment but I would venture to say those who stay at home with there children have probably a higher percentage of going through post-partum then those who return to work quickly. The more time they have to try and juggle the time being at home 24/7 gives them no outlet to push through the possibility of being depressed. What we chose to do as individuals always raises some interesting debate. I have mentioned in several posts how stay-at-home moms and working moms get alot of flack. I have been on both sides of the fence. I chose to be a stay-at-home mom later in our children's lives but felt that would benefit them more in the long run. When they both went off the college I went through a short period of empty nester but I managed to pull up my boot strings and get involved not only in community groups but also continue to run our business and then another consultant business on the side.
As I began to reach the AARP age of maturity I think getting older puts me more into a funk sometimes than any of the other prior syndromes. But I always try and remember "Your as young as you feel" if you keep a young attitude things will always be in your favor. Keep active and try, try not to let things get you down. Would I do it over again? Yes but with a few minor changes of course, wouldn't we all truthfully??
From that low to the following day celebrating 25 years of marriage. Although we celebrated the last time David was home the day came and went with me pulling out my pictures from that day and brought with it some great and also painful memories. It was the day my life changed forever in not only one way but it was also the start of the spiraling down of my family that I grew up with for the first 21 years. The good outweighed the bad but I couldn't help feel that sadness creeping into my celebration. But the day wasn't a total bust, I treated myself to a massage and my friend rubbed all the toxic thoughts out of my mind.
The following three days were filled with lunches, dinners and topped off with my half-day beautification on Friday.
You are probably asking what does this have to do with the title of the blog? The topic of post-partum depression came up several times this week and it made me think of how hectic my life has pretty much always been no matter what point in time of my life. This is something I didn't experience with either of my children. I didn't have time. With our son Matthew I was back to work the required six weeks after birth. Yes I felt guilty but with no choice but to take him each morning to David's aunt I knew it was for the best. We needed the double income since we had only been married for a short time so I knew I was doing what was best for the family. 16 months later we were in a slightly different situation, I took a six month leave of absence. I had promoted up several positions since Matthew was born and felt I was able to take the time and spend with both of them.
I know I will probably get alot of raised eyebrows for this next comment but I would venture to say those who stay at home with there children have probably a higher percentage of going through post-partum then those who return to work quickly. The more time they have to try and juggle the time being at home 24/7 gives them no outlet to push through the possibility of being depressed. What we chose to do as individuals always raises some interesting debate. I have mentioned in several posts how stay-at-home moms and working moms get alot of flack. I have been on both sides of the fence. I chose to be a stay-at-home mom later in our children's lives but felt that would benefit them more in the long run. When they both went off the college I went through a short period of empty nester but I managed to pull up my boot strings and get involved not only in community groups but also continue to run our business and then another consultant business on the side.
As I began to reach the AARP age of maturity I think getting older puts me more into a funk sometimes than any of the other prior syndromes. But I always try and remember "Your as young as you feel" if you keep a young attitude things will always be in your favor. Keep active and try, try not to let things get you down. Would I do it over again? Yes but with a few minor changes of course, wouldn't we all truthfully??
Monday, August 3, 2009
Where Have we Come-Where are we Going-Health Care
I just finished reading a friend's blog and it got me thinking even more about where are health care is today and if there is any hope at all for health care to become something that will benefit everyone.
Her journey with her husband and Alzheimer's brought a new awareness for her that is still continuing even after his passing. She has a passion for bringing this disease its issues and hopefully some days its cure to the forefront. She is but one person that I personally have come in contact with in the past 4 years that each time another issue comes up it makes me stop and take notice of how inadequate our system really is. Where do we start? I'm not really sure. Sometimes for me just the thought not only makes my blood boil but my head spin. I am sure this is how everyone concerned feels but I know I feel every time something new crops its ugly head I feel not only defeated but totally helpless not only for my family but myself included.
Today my mother-in-law must go through another type of treatment for her melanoma. We were prepared ahead of time but when the words came out the process she must go through even before she can get pills in hand are in her case-- laughable.
This new treatment medicine was used back in the 40's and 50's during pregnancy to combat morning sickness. It was taken off the market many years ago after finding it caused severe birth defects in babies born during this era. Later they found that it helps many types of cancers.
While talking to the doctor today he stated that part of the process on seeing whether or not she will qualify to take it is to complete a phone survey on the use of the drug and to make sure that she doesn't get pregnant.. My first question to the doctor is why would the company not know that a 79 year old woman, mind you with a hysterectomy is unable to have children. He chuckled and stated, "that is their process, whether they require a call each time I am not for sure". I think she is obviously more concerned about whether she will be able to afford the medicine more than anything even with additional insurance.
Time and time again I keep hearing that "it's much more important to have insurance, and a higher deductible, than it is to have no insurance".. I am not so sure that I totally agree with this statement because it seems sometimes as though the people who have no insurance actually get better care than those with insurance.
I know for myself I prefer to pay my way in society but not to the point that it comes down to whether or not I can afford a procedure or to eat. Sadly, this has what it has come to for some.
I 'm still not sure where we are going, I seem to just be along for the ride.. Oh yeah, I am not a very good backseat driver....
Her journey with her husband and Alzheimer's brought a new awareness for her that is still continuing even after his passing. She has a passion for bringing this disease its issues and hopefully some days its cure to the forefront. She is but one person that I personally have come in contact with in the past 4 years that each time another issue comes up it makes me stop and take notice of how inadequate our system really is. Where do we start? I'm not really sure. Sometimes for me just the thought not only makes my blood boil but my head spin. I am sure this is how everyone concerned feels but I know I feel every time something new crops its ugly head I feel not only defeated but totally helpless not only for my family but myself included.
Today my mother-in-law must go through another type of treatment for her melanoma. We were prepared ahead of time but when the words came out the process she must go through even before she can get pills in hand are in her case-- laughable.
This new treatment medicine was used back in the 40's and 50's during pregnancy to combat morning sickness. It was taken off the market many years ago after finding it caused severe birth defects in babies born during this era. Later they found that it helps many types of cancers.
While talking to the doctor today he stated that part of the process on seeing whether or not she will qualify to take it is to complete a phone survey on the use of the drug and to make sure that she doesn't get pregnant.. My first question to the doctor is why would the company not know that a 79 year old woman, mind you with a hysterectomy is unable to have children. He chuckled and stated, "that is their process, whether they require a call each time I am not for sure". I think she is obviously more concerned about whether she will be able to afford the medicine more than anything even with additional insurance.
Time and time again I keep hearing that "it's much more important to have insurance, and a higher deductible, than it is to have no insurance".. I am not so sure that I totally agree with this statement because it seems sometimes as though the people who have no insurance actually get better care than those with insurance.
I know for myself I prefer to pay my way in society but not to the point that it comes down to whether or not I can afford a procedure or to eat. Sadly, this has what it has come to for some.
I 'm still not sure where we are going, I seem to just be along for the ride.. Oh yeah, I am not a very good backseat driver....
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Are You Who I Think You Are?
How many times have we heard this or another comment I love is "You look just like?" I have always heard we all have an identical twin in the world walking around. I can't count the amount of times I have been stopped no mater where I am in the country an told I look like someone, or don't I know you....
When I found out 20 years ago that I had been adopted as a baby (Yes at the age of 28 I was told I was adopted at birth) the above statements created even more of a mystery to me. After almost 7 years of researching (this was before the true internet age) one of the first things I found out was that my birthmother and grandmother lived almost within walking distance from the first home I lived in. Pretty bizarre!! Once you start the search process it is truly amazing how much your lives can truly parallel.
Our church has been celebrating 50 years in existence this year. Over the past several weeks they have invited former pastors to help celebrate with us. I have only been a member of this church for 5 years but not a Sunday goes by where someone thinks they grew up with me or ask me what year I graduated from the local high school. Then the story proceeds that I am not from the area. Actually in all the mysteries it is true that my material side is originally from MO and also from an area not far from where I live now but I really knew nothing about my Missouri roots until the whole adoption subject came up.
I had heard many stores about the pastor who recently visited. That he was young and fun and everyone hated to see him go. Ironically, when he left Sedalia he transferred to Arcadia, CA. Always the MO/CA connection. He had not been back since he left in the mid-70's and understandably he had difficulty putting names and faces together. As we left church and greeted the guests he abruptly grabbed my hand and pulled me toward him into a hug and said "I remember You!" and stated and name of one of the charter families of the church. I was a little startled and said "No I am sorry I am not". As quickly as he grabbed my hand in thoughts that he had knew me, he just as abruptly let go I assumed a little in embarrassment and said "Sorry I guess I don't know you".
Sometimes I really have doubts in the correct way to respond but I guess it's something over time you just accept, but not really sure if I ever will.
When I found out 20 years ago that I had been adopted as a baby (Yes at the age of 28 I was told I was adopted at birth) the above statements created even more of a mystery to me. After almost 7 years of researching (this was before the true internet age) one of the first things I found out was that my birthmother and grandmother lived almost within walking distance from the first home I lived in. Pretty bizarre!! Once you start the search process it is truly amazing how much your lives can truly parallel.
Our church has been celebrating 50 years in existence this year. Over the past several weeks they have invited former pastors to help celebrate with us. I have only been a member of this church for 5 years but not a Sunday goes by where someone thinks they grew up with me or ask me what year I graduated from the local high school. Then the story proceeds that I am not from the area. Actually in all the mysteries it is true that my material side is originally from MO and also from an area not far from where I live now but I really knew nothing about my Missouri roots until the whole adoption subject came up.
I had heard many stores about the pastor who recently visited. That he was young and fun and everyone hated to see him go. Ironically, when he left Sedalia he transferred to Arcadia, CA. Always the MO/CA connection. He had not been back since he left in the mid-70's and understandably he had difficulty putting names and faces together. As we left church and greeted the guests he abruptly grabbed my hand and pulled me toward him into a hug and said "I remember You!" and stated and name of one of the charter families of the church. I was a little startled and said "No I am sorry I am not". As quickly as he grabbed my hand in thoughts that he had knew me, he just as abruptly let go I assumed a little in embarrassment and said "Sorry I guess I don't know you".
Sometimes I really have doubts in the correct way to respond but I guess it's something over time you just accept, but not really sure if I ever will.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Too Much Multi-Tasking
I think one of the most notable traits of a good percentage of women today is multi-tasking. I often wonder why I have trouble turning off my thoughts when I settle into bed. I am thinking about what I need to do the following day, what my schedule is and how I can fit any tiny little thing in. Sometimes it takes alot. Other days I just want to turn off the phone, close the shades and sit in a dark, quiet room. Someone once told me I should consider taking yoga. Wait isn't that something where you listen to calming, peaceful music, stretch and bend into a pretzel? I do a form of it at home, usually while I am watching second running of daily soaps, in between commercials.. Oh isn't that another form of multi-tasking.
Lately on the weekends I tell David I am not going to turn on the computer when it comes to e-mails or even answer a work related phone call. Unfortunately the two of us usually spend at least one call during our many even on the weekends discussing work. This week was a little sketchy and I never got a chance to go to the market. I hate going on the weekends just because I know usually everyone else has to shop then but I just really couldn't wait another day so off I went. After stopping to chat during my supermarket trip to a friend and also my daughter (I still spent my usual one hour there) I came home to unpack my purchases. As usual I didn't hit the door without the phone ringing and it of course was my hubby. The pups were later than normal on their eating time and were jumping up and down creating havoc and I was also trying to unpack the groceries and talk on the phone at the same time. As I picked up the pint of blueberries the top popped open and out flew the whole entire pint on the floor. With phone in hand telling the dogs "don't eat them, don't eat them" they froze in there tracks. I told David I would have to call him back to discuss business as I had a blueberry explosion on the floor.
Note I am always reading how certain things make dogs either deathly ill or cause them certain death and I didn't know if blueberries were on that list. Our one dog Scooby heeded the command to step away from the blueberries, Snookie our Bison froze in sitting position but as several blueberries rolled in his direction he did what every dog does and attempted to pick one up only to after me yelling at the top of my lungs to "drop it" pop them out of his mouth. Bouncing blueberries either from atop a table or out of a pups mouth is amazingly funny. After scooping up the mess (including two that I stepped on and almost had another total catastrophe) the mess was done, groceries were put away and back on the phone I went to finish our business conversation.
I sometimes get from various people "how do you do it?" Hey I don't know. It's a part of my chemistry to do as many things as possible at one time. Will it ever change I doubt it. But at least in this I know, I am just like pretty much every woman in America...
Lately on the weekends I tell David I am not going to turn on the computer when it comes to e-mails or even answer a work related phone call. Unfortunately the two of us usually spend at least one call during our many even on the weekends discussing work. This week was a little sketchy and I never got a chance to go to the market. I hate going on the weekends just because I know usually everyone else has to shop then but I just really couldn't wait another day so off I went. After stopping to chat during my supermarket trip to a friend and also my daughter (I still spent my usual one hour there) I came home to unpack my purchases. As usual I didn't hit the door without the phone ringing and it of course was my hubby. The pups were later than normal on their eating time and were jumping up and down creating havoc and I was also trying to unpack the groceries and talk on the phone at the same time. As I picked up the pint of blueberries the top popped open and out flew the whole entire pint on the floor. With phone in hand telling the dogs "don't eat them, don't eat them" they froze in there tracks. I told David I would have to call him back to discuss business as I had a blueberry explosion on the floor.
Note I am always reading how certain things make dogs either deathly ill or cause them certain death and I didn't know if blueberries were on that list. Our one dog Scooby heeded the command to step away from the blueberries, Snookie our Bison froze in sitting position but as several blueberries rolled in his direction he did what every dog does and attempted to pick one up only to after me yelling at the top of my lungs to "drop it" pop them out of his mouth. Bouncing blueberries either from atop a table or out of a pups mouth is amazingly funny. After scooping up the mess (including two that I stepped on and almost had another total catastrophe) the mess was done, groceries were put away and back on the phone I went to finish our business conversation.
I sometimes get from various people "how do you do it?" Hey I don't know. It's a part of my chemistry to do as many things as possible at one time. Will it ever change I doubt it. But at least in this I know, I am just like pretty much every woman in America...
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Lady Liberty Open Again
Recently I heard on the news that the Statute of Liberty was going to be open all the way to the top starting July 4, 2009 for two years. After 9/11 all tours were stopped inside which if you have never experienced that tour is amazing.
In 1989 David and myself and several of my friends on the synchronized team I skated on called the "Fabulous Forties" participated in the National Championships in Providence, Rhode Island. After the event (we won!) a group of us decided to stay for several extra days and travel to Boston, New York City and other sites. Mind you this was in late March early April so the weather was still a little cool.
One of our many stops was on the ferry to the Statute. Ellis Island was not yet an attraction you could tour. They were still in the construction stages but we couldn't pass up the Lady Liberty Tour. It was a little intense and several were afraid of extreme heights so only a few of us actually got all the way to the top. Also if you have any tendency toward claustrophobia it is really not the place for you. When they say they are taking groups of 10 at a time that's a crowd. I remember that the closest I could compare the space in it to was as a child I played at a park that had a spaceship you could climb up into and slide down the slide. Anyway that's exactly what memory it brought back to me.
Let me say the experience was breathtaking. Unfortunately the day was really cloudy so the pictures didn't do it justice but just to say we were a part of it was something all of us will never forget.
We have a group picture of some of us standing on the 107th Floor of the World Trade Center which of course now is bittersweet. That is the only place in my entire life that I was slightly afraid of heights because the building moved so much.
Someday I hope to get back to that part of New York City and experience it all over again.
In 1989 David and myself and several of my friends on the synchronized team I skated on called the "Fabulous Forties" participated in the National Championships in Providence, Rhode Island. After the event (we won!) a group of us decided to stay for several extra days and travel to Boston, New York City and other sites. Mind you this was in late March early April so the weather was still a little cool.
One of our many stops was on the ferry to the Statute. Ellis Island was not yet an attraction you could tour. They were still in the construction stages but we couldn't pass up the Lady Liberty Tour. It was a little intense and several were afraid of extreme heights so only a few of us actually got all the way to the top. Also if you have any tendency toward claustrophobia it is really not the place for you. When they say they are taking groups of 10 at a time that's a crowd. I remember that the closest I could compare the space in it to was as a child I played at a park that had a spaceship you could climb up into and slide down the slide. Anyway that's exactly what memory it brought back to me.
Let me say the experience was breathtaking. Unfortunately the day was really cloudy so the pictures didn't do it justice but just to say we were a part of it was something all of us will never forget.
We have a group picture of some of us standing on the 107th Floor of the World Trade Center which of course now is bittersweet. That is the only place in my entire life that I was slightly afraid of heights because the building moved so much.
Someday I hope to get back to that part of New York City and experience it all over again.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Our Farmer's Market
Our town has had several versions of a farmer's market over the past years. At one time it occupied space in a tucked away spot downtown, then there was people who congregated in a parking lot in one of our small shopping centers. Dotted around town shortly after the first spring picking you would see tables and umbrellas with people peddling their wares.
When Jennifer worked at a local store a few years ago one of her regular customers would be a little elderly man who lived in the country and brought his plants, fruits and veggies in the back of his pickup truck into town to sell. After spending hours a week he would stop buy for a "pop" and bring her plants, or tomatoes. You can't beat a homegrown tomato!
With all of the push for organic and "going green" it wasn't surprising when word spread they were going to start an organized farmer's market. I had heard from several friends that if you wanted the good stuff you had better get their early. 8-12 on Saturdays and Tuesday during the afternoon and early evenings. Of course when the time comes around I usually forget.
So today I made it a point to pop out of bed and rush down so I could see what all the hype was. Promptly at 8:02 a.m. I pulled around the corner of our Main and Grand Sts. I have to admit I was excited to see for myself all the goodies available.
Their was approximately 10 tents. Of course the Amish/Mennonite community was well represented with baked goods. A sprinkling of vegetables (tomatoes, cucumbers, blueberries) honey, plants, and woodcrafts. I know it will take time to grow and prosper and along with that the vendors will need to bring more products and hopefully the community will support it the best they can.
I admit I thought $5.00 for a large pint of blueberries was a little high but when you figure they are locally grown and fresh you have to suck it up. Also you are supporting the local people. Their vision is admirable I just hope it doesn't turn out like alot of things that start out with a bang. People have asked for it now let's support them.
When Jennifer worked at a local store a few years ago one of her regular customers would be a little elderly man who lived in the country and brought his plants, fruits and veggies in the back of his pickup truck into town to sell. After spending hours a week he would stop buy for a "pop" and bring her plants, or tomatoes. You can't beat a homegrown tomato!
With all of the push for organic and "going green" it wasn't surprising when word spread they were going to start an organized farmer's market. I had heard from several friends that if you wanted the good stuff you had better get their early. 8-12 on Saturdays and Tuesday during the afternoon and early evenings. Of course when the time comes around I usually forget.
So today I made it a point to pop out of bed and rush down so I could see what all the hype was. Promptly at 8:02 a.m. I pulled around the corner of our Main and Grand Sts. I have to admit I was excited to see for myself all the goodies available.
Their was approximately 10 tents. Of course the Amish/Mennonite community was well represented with baked goods. A sprinkling of vegetables (tomatoes, cucumbers, blueberries) honey, plants, and woodcrafts. I know it will take time to grow and prosper and along with that the vendors will need to bring more products and hopefully the community will support it the best they can.
I admit I thought $5.00 for a large pint of blueberries was a little high but when you figure they are locally grown and fresh you have to suck it up. Also you are supporting the local people. Their vision is admirable I just hope it doesn't turn out like alot of things that start out with a bang. People have asked for it now let's support them.
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