Harassment Today, Yesterday and Tomorrow--What Does it all Mean?

Several years ago I mentioned in a blog post about an incident when I was skating on the synchronized team about a little article that was in our local paper shortly before we were to defend our national championship. I still have the article and look at it occasionally and fondly remember those special skating times. Shortly after the article appeared I received a fan letter (I still have it). This was before the anything was something you had to be careful of. I think today, because of media and news coverage in mostly the negative we have become a society of constant paranoia. Yes, we should always be aware but does being overly cautious take the fun out of things?  Several versions of the truth or opinions travel the Internet I never thought the fan letter I received was anything but. I didn't read into it and think, is this person going to stock me?  Appear at the skating rink? It was just a simple thanks for providing the article and this person's joy of watching skaters hone the sport they enjoy. I am a fan of several former figure skaters and am just putting it out; I will try and not stalk you on social media.

Another skating scenario came up where an inappropriate touch was made by a random individual to several of the ladies on our team. Again, this was back in the day maybe early 90's. We were walking along a pier and it was quick and hard to really react. This specific incident surprised us all so much at that time that we really had no recourse in doing anything--it was so quick and he ran off that what could you do. It is a memory and it happened and if he did it frequently maybe he did it too someone who could do something about it. Touching is an interesting thing; some people don't mind being touched but when it comes to the places where you should ask before touching still applies.

Now I turn to my experiences in harassment in the workplace. Again, back in the day, when I was a young office worker and public service employee, it was hard sometimes to know where to draw the line but the lines were sometimes vague. By today's standard I probably could have shouted harassment but my line was like chalk lines--easily drawn and then erased.  Some comments were made by men who at the time somewhat similar to what is happening today. They were allowed to get away with jokes, innuendo's and casual sexist conversations.  It was chalked up to consider the person, the time and whether to make it a situation that could affect your working situation. Did it hurt me? Yes. Jokes are jokes but when you lump it together it can be hurtful and make for very difficult times.

Today, I have to say I am older, wiser and have been around longer so I probably wouldn't take the same comments. Some people are thick skinned and can let things roll off their backs. Should you? Sometimes yes, unless it gets to be a continuing habit. Should you draw that chalk line and let them know? Yes, sometimes you need to set the tone of how you want people to treat you.


I see it as the new generation comes up. They can sometimes be mean, hurtful and push those boundaries. They get it from media, how they are raised and what they see in everyday life situations.  It isn't always about toughening up, being thick skinned or just ignoring situations. It is teaching about right from wrong and how to define it better.

Nice people still exist, often it is hard to find them sometimes.  What you allow and accept is up to you.  You can either accept anything and everything at face value, voice an opinion follow through but for everything has a consequence and sometimes those consequences will come back from yesterday and make today and tomorrow oh so different.

Are We So Out of Touch We Can't See the Forest from the Trees?

 Does it take Hurricane Matthew to uproot the palm trees for people to get the message? Do you ask certain questions of friends and family and because they don't either have an answer or don't want to engage or confront the situation at hand that you receive that far off blank facial expression with a slight grimace or half smile?

Some interesting scenarios have come forward with Hurricane Matthew this week hitting the eastern seaboard. One news station was interviewing a woman who lived off the coast of Florida. The interview started with the newsman stating matter-of-fact "are you dumb or what?". He seemed as though he might have known the person interviewed by just the conversation they had back and forth but in a nutshell she said "we don't feel as though it is really going to be as bad as they say". Well no one has a direct line to Mother Nature but hurricanes (although thank goodness I have never experienced one) does look pretty intense. If it isn't the wind or rain it will be the surging water levels that can make you see your maker just a little sooner than expected.  I have heard first hand from people who experienced Hurricane Katrina in the Gulf coast and they are glad that they made it out when they did. In my estimation I will stick to my philosophy in that I would much rather be in an earthquake than a tornado or hurricane. No questions.

This week has been tough in that I have known several people who have passed on just in the last couple weeks. Yes, I know now that I myself am almost surely more than half way through my probable lifespan (55 in a few weeks sounds so strange rolling off my tongue) but this as they say happens as you get older although your hope is that that at least you get to reach a more golden age. Either by freak accidents, the damn "C" word or just being their time to go, way to many have been called to rest on the permanent lounge chair.

October is noted for many things. The beginning of Fall, Breast Cancer Awareness, Domestic Violence Month, Halloween and many other noteworthy things. Going to that place I sometimes find myself'; is it strange that just the things I listed above deal with death? Yes, it isn't always the outcome, laughter, renewal, rebounding comes to mind but with the fall colors I first think of death.

At a meeting this past week we had a role playing program that discussed different scenarios in Domestic Violence situations.  Our scenario dealt with a  black, married couple, both successful practicing lawyers and the husband continually abused his wife. We were asked to chose  "the victim" at our table and we had to come up with her possible choices of what to do step by step. Some of the choices were to: seek out a friend or family, clergy, contact the police etc. Our table discussed the possibilities and commented whether she would leave or return each time or make other choices. Ultimately, we hoped our person didn't end up at a tragic end. Personally I have always said, "if a man touched me even once in any violent manner--out the door I would go, no question. No return date. Thankfully, I picked the right man for me and after 32 years married, yes we have argued but never came fist to cuffs.

Most of us that evening had in some way, shape or form had had at least one instance where we had been aware of some sort of domestic violence in our lives. The other tables had other interesting scenarios to deal with and ultimately one tables' "victim" did not have a pleasant outcome. After each scenario was completed we discussed around the room.

 It was shocking to hear one person indicate that she was surprised in today's society how widespread it domestic violence really is.   Whether this person is "out of touch" that is still a question for me.  We should never be too old to spread the branches on our trees and see that wide vast forest beyond our own noses. Anything is possible these days, whether we accept it or not. If the tree gets blown away by a hurricane, or chopped down due to an uninformed individual, lets keep our world supplied with new growth.

Information is available about Domestic Violence assistance. CASA Citizens Against Spousal Abuse, Inc. have Shelters around the country or The National Network to End Domestic Violence have Facebook pages and websites.

To Observe National Peace Day You Must Have Peace, Really?

Almost every day on social media a day is set aside as some special day to observe. National Ice Cream Day, National Pie Day, Pizza Awareness Day, My Favorite Color is Purple Day. Yes, I am being rather sarcastic on a day that first popped up as National Peace Day.

Our universe has gotten so that finding peace within and even out and about is getting more difficult. Along with the Autumn Equinox, full moon syndrome it seems like every time each year around this time things begin to go a little haywire. Is that why this day was set aside as National Peace Day? I am not sure but peace in the valley, home, office, where ever you might request it, gets more difficult it seems.

Each day after picking up my granddaughter I try and ask some non-traditional questions along with the usual one's. How was your day? What did you eat for lunch? What was your favorite thing to do today? Sometimes it gets a little challenging to pull things out of this six year old. I'm sure she isn't any different then every other kid but these challenges are not exactly fun for this MiMi. Today was also Picture Day at school. To have that day paired with National Peace Day must have been a joke in our area because I am sure that several parents this morning tore hair out from their heads on what the child should wear and look like. Thank goodness my granddaughter informed me that her pictures were early this morning so we wait with baited breath on how they turned out. I am sure they turned out well.

Along with the conversation of picture day, she informed me that they had Stranger Danger Drills. I really didn't need or want an explanation of this but I listened to her.

My age and thinking kicked in. When I was in school we had earthquake and fire drills. Oh how things change. How sad it has come to the fact that kids can hardly be kids the way they were mean't to be.

Peace in the Valley is hard to come by these day. Grab those peaceful moments not just today but everyday you can. Look at a sunset or sunrise (if you want to get up that early), turn off the devices in your life, meditate, listen to music, coloring book therapy, whatever it takes.  Be it a moment or a day. everyone requires a little peace. 

Do a little celebrating of peace today.  I chose not to have a picture of the old peace sign I grew up with so a peace lily will work just fine.

Barbie Era--Oh How She has Changed

Now that school has started, summer is almost over.  This year was a little more of a challenge since I had a little helper, my granddaughter during the day. She can be a great help but also that ugly word would come up called "bored". We did the usual things to occupy her time, a week at bible school, a week at kids summer activities through the local college for several sessions, day trips to some of the local landmarks (yes we have a couple), but sometimes just staying home was on my list.

Toward the end of the summer she came one day and mentioned that her mom had talked with her the night before about her mom's Barbie collection in the attic. So of course she had to see them. Papa graciously complied and brought down the box. I think we both were glad to have one more item out of the attic. My first concern was yes they had been packed up but also the attic gets pretty hot during the summer so wasn't sure what condition they might be in.

In our find, I also came across my own small Barbie Collection.

I didn't play with Barbie's at my granddaughter's age of 6 I was slightly older but what few I had were tucked away in the carry case that my grandpa had bought. As I slowly opened my box it was like opening a time machine. Vintage clothes that my mom and grandma had sewn, the velvet blue gown with sequins hand stitched, the flashy Ken slacks, the knee high plastic boots, brought me way back.

Some of the Barbie's were fused to the box because of heat but after a little tugging they came off, none the worse for wear.  It was special to be able to hand down my treasures along with my daughter's slightly more modern 90s models to my granddaughter. It was one day that went on and on with clothes, and accessories from one end of the floor to the other but was a wonderful summer experience. I am pretty sure they will be played with for many more years to come.

My skating Barbie collection will remain, in the boxes in the cabinet only for our eyes to see.

Educators--They Never Stop Teaching

As a rule we should never stop learning. No matter what age we do things and see things that strengthen our minds and souls in different ways.  When in school you sometimes get the impression that the only reason teachers are in your life is to torture you with tasks and to be unkind. I had teachers I remember from my childhood and my perspective at that time was some of them were mean and hateful; now I look back and there was a purpose for the techniques they themselves learn and used to teach, it was a sign of those times and the times before me that molded the way they taught and the perspectives of that time. I guess this is a sign of maturity and wisdom.

Many educators have made many impressions throughout my life. Many educators made impressions in my eyes when my children were in school.  It was not only a cultural shock moving to the Midwest from the West but some of the teachings at the time brought back those unkind times of my years in school.

When my son started middle school not only was it tough being an outsider trying to fit in but dealing with several different personalities of long term educators was a challenge for both of us.  One of his teachers cultivated his love of music. He saw something in him that directed him into singing and show choir throughout middle and high school.  Some of his other teachers during his time in middle and high school made it known that they thought enough time wasn't spent on the basics of which at the time he had more difficulty with than the arts and sports aspects. Many conferences with these teachers throughout the year pushed my frustration level with educators to my limits.

Over the last couple weeks I have run into almost all of his middle school teachers at events in and around town. They are all retired now, enjoying life but I am sure have those special "teaching" moments with former students and their children.

I see his music teacher all to frequently and he asks about him and always says "I can't believe he is married and has children of his own". Usually the next question is "do they enjoy music too?". Oh yes, I am sure he will have at least one little entertainer in his family.

I see another of his teachers at the grocery store almost each week. She had no children and her husband passed away a couple years ago. On a recent occasion I was doing a quick purchase and had my oldest granddaughter with me. It was a pretty packed store and lots of families with small children were in toe with parents. One young woman had two small children with her that were obviously not too happy to be out in the heat and shopping with Mom. One would start screaming, then the other started crying. You could hear it from one end of the store to another. We all hope and pray we don't have too many of those shopping trips, but we do. We picked up our items and were approaching check out, when the teacher stopped behind us. She never acknowledged me but kept looking at my granddaughter quietly standing next to the grocery basket. Don't get me wrong she is tall for her age and can sometimes be mature for her age and also can act younger than her age.  She assisted putting our purchases on the checkout and remained quiet throughout. As we finished and started bagging our groceries, the teacher stepped up along side of my granddaughter (mind you also this teacher is around her height, my granddaughter sometimes has been mistaken for at least two years older than she is). To my surprise, the next words that came out of the teacher's mouth, made me smile.

"I have been watching you in the store, you have been so nice for your mother". "You haven't created a scene like those two children have for their mother". My granddaughter didn't say a word just nodded her head to her. I am pretty sure that the teacher did not recognize me and I also didn't correct her in that I am her grandmother but I so wanted to make it known that I wasn't her mother but was a parent to one of her former students and bring to her attention how mean she had been during his time with her but, in my infinite wisdom I chose not too. Why?

Well even educators change throughout the years. They retire, they move on and maybe in her years of teaching young minds, not all of them came out like she wanted them too. Many she taught didn't succeed in life even after the lessons she taught them. Other students who she thought might never succeed, in fact did and rather well I might add.

Every human being gets life lessons, we teach, we learn and we grow along the way. We just took the compliment and walked out of the store with the screaming still in our ears.

The Joy of Going to a Library--Not Just to Read Books

One thing that I inherited from my grandmother and mother was the love for reading. That was one fascinating thing I learned after finding my biologic roots. That precious time with a book is a great connection to have. I have the pleasure of knowing two librarians. One is a young enough to be my daughter the other is around my age, but both I consider my friends. I have learned great things from each woman, both with differing knowledge.

When I was a kid I had go to authors I would read during the summer months, in between my time at the ice rink. You  could read between sessions, read in the car (some find that unmanageable but I don't have a problem). I read books dealing with skating history or how to books. Unfortunately, even today the only way you can learn skating is doing not by reading a book. Many former figure skaters have written books on a journey and struggles while skating or after but all in all you can learn so much by reading. My library card has been like my license, I have had it longer than my license but I use it all the time.

But having access to the library just isn't about reading books. For instance, our library has many different programs available I have learned just in the last year. They didn't always have them but social media and a little bit of hard work by the Outreach Program Librarian, Patty Long she is making it happen.

Patty Long, Sedalia Outreach Program Librarian

Trivia Day Prize 

I can see that the times have changed since going to the library as a kid. The still have the card catalogs, but now they are on computers. You can still find things in the archives in most libraries but most things are at your fingertips.

Patty had events: Walk and Read in the Park, Trivia Day, and a Recycled Book Project and has many wonderful ideas planned in the coming months. With a little help from others I can see our library being the go to place for more than just reading, again.

 A little bit of trivia, the Sedalia Public Library was the first library in Missouri that was awarded a $50,000 grant  from Andrew Carnegie to be built. It is on the Missouri Registry of History Places and went through a renovation a few years ago.

I actually like to pick the brains of both librarians in my life because they are so different. Each has a specialty type of book to read and although there are certain books they each of them dislike, sometimes it takes that open mind to maybe find a new path to forge. I know personally having either talked with each of them or since my young librarian is on Goodreads, I know what books she would like to read and what she has read and sometimes go off that list for my own suggestions. With Patty she has recommended some that I also wouldn't have thought of since I started going to the Book Club at the Library a few months ago. 

So while the weather is hot, or when the fall weather approaches, if you haven't visited your local library. Stop by they may have a program you can get involved in.  I still refer to my childhood library the Wilmington Public Library in the Los Angeles Public Library System or where I live now Sedalia Public Library in Sedalia MO. Both have Facebook pages and obviously the Los Angeles Public Library has many branches throughout the area. You don't have to be a reader but you never know you might find something that peaks your fancy.

The Town that Painted Rocks 2016

Isn't it funny how an idea can get started with a snap of a finger? We will do just about anything to get our kids and ourselves doing something constructive or artistic as this case seems to have turned into. Just last week the Pokemon Go became a weirdly strange activity for individuals and families to get involved in.   Actually, while getting some troubleshooting tips from the computer technician at Staples last week, our conversation included whether or not I was seeking Pokemon characters.  I told him I thought I was too old for that but when he was impressed with my knowledge of other social media sites, I felt much better. I guess it is not so strange to those who liked Pokemon cards way back when. But long before Pokemon Go,  someone in town had an idea called Sedalia Rocks. It already has its own Facebook page Sedalia Rocks-MO Official and has reached over 1,200 likes.

Already so popular that one of our newspaper reporters is considering a story about it. While most are listening to political banter, horrific news stories around the world and  all the papers and television is focused on very little positivity, it is refreshing to be able to do something artistic yet fun for everyone.

Haddie finding her first rock.

Found another!

Now this rocky activity has taken on a whole life of its own. Where to get the rocks. How to paint the rocks. What to paint on the rock, make sure you spray the rock with clear coat. (Yes, I have already started to paint one with a figure skate on it, although I will have to find a creative place to hide that fits with it.) I hopped on the rock painting wagon a little early on. Our first rock was a large orange one with a pink butterfly on it. Although we have never heard if it was actually found or re-hidden my story I like to put behind it is--just like a butterfly they come and go from out of know where.

 Some put more time than others into this and although their are official "rules" set aside, really I think the sky is the limit to this activity.  This has become a summer phenomenon in our little town, but I have heard it is also taking off in other towns around the country. A little bit of a scavenger hunt, with color and imagination all rolled into one little or large rocks, smooth or bumpy, you decide.  Also check out Pinterest for the artist in you and check out the varieties available.

Yes, several people snicker at you when they ask "have you jumped on the Sedalia Rocks bandwagon?" Well they may laugh but don't be surprised if you see them in the dark of night, or at noontime with a rock in hand ready to launch that clue on the official Sedalia Rocks MO Facebook page. Thanks to all those who are participating and making it a fun and easy addition to many in town.  I hope it continues on and on and on--one rock at a time.