When Someone is Taken so Young

I haven't been able to put my finger on it but as each day goes by it's always so hard no matter what age you are to hear when someone you know passes away. I don't know if it makes me think of my own mortality or how I try and look to my own spirituality. It just never gets any easier and I doubt if it ever will.

As I wrote in an earlier post, my first experience with death was at age 17 when my grandpa passed away. For me it was a shock that he passed even though it was approximately two weeks worth of hospital visits and vigils. When the call came, I remembered thinking "no it's just not possible". It took me a long time to really accept that he was gone and not a day goes by that I don't wish he was here today. I think he would be very proud of me and my family. I only have one picture of him that proudly sits on my dresser.

This past weekend I received a phone call from my current hairdresser with news that my previous one had passed away. It wasn't a surprise, as she had been stricken with lung cancer and was battling it for the past 2-3 years. When diagnosed she was stage 4 and was given only a short time. So the fact that she struggled for as long as she did was amazing in itself. The hard part was she was 38 years old.

When I first met Stacie she had just graduated from college and decided doing hair was going to be her life. I remember the first time I saw her I crossed my fingers that she would be the one. After moving from California and having the same stylist do my hair for many years I was a little worried that I would not be able to find someone I liked. I had tried for about one year with no luck and was about ready to travel on trips to California if I had too. Stacie and I hit it off immediately and she continued to do not only my hair but David and the kids for the next 10 years. As everyone knows anyone who has their hair done compares there stylist to a psychologist. They hear stories about just about every part of your life, your families and the local town gossip. Stacie was no different, but she did it in a way where you felt she was just another good friend. I always teased her because she resembled the pop singer Christina Aguilera.

Don't get me wrong I like my current stylist but he will never be Stacie. Her smile would light up a room, her bubbly personality was always so refreshing.

Goodbye my friend, I know you are in a better place, it's just that you were taken so young, with so much more to live, but I know I will see you someday. So save a spot in your appointment book for me...

Reading Material That Caught My Eye

A couple of years ago when David turned 50 he immediately started getting literature in the mail regarding retirement planning and other things regarding reaching the other half of one's life. I unmercifully teased him every chance I could and as usual he took it with a grain of salt. His usual return comment is "your not that far behind girl". When the first of the "junk mail" as he called it came we thought he might as well sign up to become an AARP member. I had remembered years ago when my grandparents belonged and they received a magazine on a monthly basis. I never read the stories but enjoyed the puzzles, word finds that were always inside.

When his first magazine arrived I eagerly thumbed through each page. I found no word finds or really anything of interest. The cover story is usually about a entertainment personality. This month though the cover really caught my eye.

I have always loved the old black and white shows from the 50's and 60's. I think I could quote almost every I Love Lucy show and still laugh at stunts I have seen her do for years. If you really watch long enough episodes of Leave it to Beaver still hold true today. Whenever there is a marathon of any of the popular shows I am eagerly their watching as if it was my first time. I guess it takes us back when television watching was so carefree and you didn't have to worry about profanity or sexually explicit things that you would rather not see.

Saturday they had a Andy Griffith Show marathon most of the afternoon David and I sat and watched a couple. At a time when most families had two parents and siblings it was a stretch that the single Andy and his son Opie and Aunt Bea was not what I knew as a traditional family.

Well when I retrieved the mail guess who was on this months AARP-Ron Howard (Opie). Today Opie is 56 years old and a grandpa. Hard to believe I know! Even though I know everyone; including myself is getting older. It was hard to look at that balding, older Opie. I loved the story and how he has not and never succumbed to the "Hollywood" childhood that we see so much of today. He came from a showbiz family but still is just like everyone else.

As I said to David (I hate to admit it) "Now I know I am old when Opie is on the cover of AARP"..

The Sedalia Snake Story

Their probably isn't a day that goes by that I don't long for the days of my life in the big city. I seem to have had alot of those days lately. I always weigh the pros and cons of living out in rural America. Yes it's cheaper, yes its quieter, (sometimes the silence is deafening) I doubt I will ever get used to the fact that you can't do anything it seems without everyone knowing your business. That grapevine gets tighter and tighter it seems.

Animal life in the big city was usually a squirrel on the power lines and an occasional parrot that escaped from the old Busch Gardens at the brewery. I once heard if you caught one they were worth thousands of dollars but never knew of anyone that actually got close enough to catch one.

Since moving here we have had alot of wildlife around. At one time we had rabbit families living underneath our shed but after a good windstorm blew that down several years ago we really don't see alot of rabbits. Owls, the occasional hawk and one possum has somehow made it into the yard but with our two boys guarding the yards they don't stay long either. Deer, fox, and coyotes are found outside city limits, so we are shielded from that wildlife in town.

About three years ago we sold Matthew's basketball backstop which hadn't moved from it's spot for many years. When a friend of mine came to take it off our hands as we moved it away a baby "snake" slithered under the slab. I am not a reptile person, and snakes have always scarred the crap out of me. I won't even go to the exhibits at the zoo or fairs if that says anything. So I figured if I never saw it again it was fine by me.

Fast forward to last week. Since we re-sodded the front yard the boys have been passed between the large backyard with no back fence and the dog run I borrowed from a friend. They haven't been happy that they lost their front yard but have adjusted to exploring the backyard, something they really haven't done in their seven years of life. One morning I let them out and stepped off the back step to find a rather large remnant of shed snakeskin. Of course I knew if it was off , the actual snake was probably not far away.

The last several days I have cautiously tiptoed out every time I am out their. Believe me if I saw it my screams could probably be heard for miles. Well the search ended last night. David took the boys out for a stroll in the yard and he yelled out "Cindy your friend is back". That's all I needed I flew back in the house with him yelling "get the shovel". As far as I was concerned he could go get the shovel himself without any help from me. As I flung the shovel over the fence to him from about 20 feet away. With two swipes the snake was in two pieces. Of course in the typical male form he picked it up to show me his kill. What is it about men!!

It's times like this I really would rather be back in the city....

Wearing Many Hats

As a parent you never know what will be asked of you from your family. I have done things I didn't want to do and also on the flip side things I have jumped at the chance to tackle head on. When it comes down to our children it has always been a little difficult for me not to jump in and do things for them at various times while they were growing up. I think every parent battles this issue, some more than others.

Several years ago I first heard the term "helicopter parent". I am not sure who coined this phrase but it is something I know I am not. When the kids were growing up when it came down to school projects that they were required to do, I took from how my parents raised me, they stood in the background, gave little to no help when it came down to it.

I always had to bit my tongue when I would go to parent nights at there schools, you could always pick out the projects that the parents had put a little more into than the children so that their child would get the highest praise. Why they don't realize it doesn't help their kids but hurts I will never know. I have always felt, you don't need to praise your children everytime they take a breath, that's not how the world is and you are guaranteed to fail at least once so be prepared, it helps for them to fall down, believe me it does!

I remember when our son was in Boy Scouts and he needed to build his pinewood derby. He knew his Dad loved woodworking so he asked his Dad for a few tips. Although David told him what he thought he needed to do with the tools and gave a little extra support he sanded, painted and shaped that piece of wood into a 1st place winner. That is one of many things we always prided ourselves in teaching our kids, if you start something finish it to the best of your ability. That held true throughout school and has now spilled over into their careers.

When Jennifer from early on loved taking pictures, little did we realize that would be what she would ultimately want to do. (She first wanted to be a veteranarian). When she was in high school and did the photos for the yearbook for two years I admit I tried to give her a little push for photojournalism. A little of I guess the "storyteller" thought she would be great at it. Also she would be able to travel all over to wonderful places. I admit I guess I was living out a little dream.

Later when she came to us and said the two best schools in the country were in Santa Barbara, CA or Turners Falls, MA, we really didn't know what to think. Coming from CA I new #1 Santa Barbara is very expensive, #2 the school basically was "on your own, no housing facilities" you get the drift. I immediately thought Turners Falls, sounded like Bedford Falls from "It's a Wonderful Life". So off we went on spring break to visit. It was your typical New England town and they had all the attributes of a school we knew she would get the right education for photography. Some of the top photographer's in the country and the world have went their or taught at.

Well after her year their, graduation and a really tough start, (especially coming back to Sedville and trying to start a business) she had her first wedding this weekend. I have to say I was proud that she asked me to be her "photographer's assistant". I really didn't do much other than carry the camera bag but the previledge to be their was wonderful.

The Mom in me was so proud, to be able to stand back and let her do her job. The more she does the more comfortable she will become. I know I was pretty comfortable and previledged to be a Mom that knew "I think her Dad and I did a pretty damn good job"..

Memorial Day Remembrance

On a previous posting I have written a little about my granpa Conner. For most of my life he was the only war hero that I knew. As the stories went he was one of several kids living in Bluefield, West Virginia when he enlisted in the U.S. Navy. He was a Boatswains mate. Of course he was proud of his duties during the war, but rarely did he talk about any of his time overseas. I knew he was in China, Japan, Australia and New Zealand and ports in between. He like most who were in any of the branches of service kept those stories private to a point.

When asked once why he didn't eat Chinese food, his comment was "I ate enough of the sh** overseas". He had trunks of treasures from that time, he also kept a scrapbook on board ship and my granma kept one at home. His were mostly about the various newsworthy stories that were going on at the home front and hers were stories about battles where he was plus all the special letter's he would send to her and my mom.

One of the stories I remember and could never really verify was that he was at home on leave when they hit Pearl Harbor. He was a part of the Battle at Midway also and was injured by shrapnel in the stomach. For the rest of his life he needed to wear what looked like a woman's corset.

Even after he left the Navy, it was always a part of his life. The only color my grandparents ever painted their house was "battleship grey", he wore grey Chino's (hence his nickname).

I sometimes think that's part of my love for the State of Hawaii. Both trips we have made the boat ride to Pearl Harbor. I feel a sort of connection with my granpa in that if he would have been on ship he would have probably never been a part of my life.

When I make my trip to CA this summer I will be paying my respects to him at his resting place. Overlooking the Vincent Thomas Bridge, crossing the Port of Los Angeles. High on a hill looking out at the water he loved.

Not a day goes by that I don't miss you and wish so much to tell you how special you were.

A Rose is a Rose If you Leave it Alone...

With another beautiful day of sunshine I thought I really should attempt to finish the weeding I started last week. I know I will need to go back over the area I originally did but it won't be as bad as the one dreaded corner in our landscape that I hate to do and can't seem to get anything to grow their. The southeast corner always seems to get overgrown by several different kinds of unwanted, unrecognizable sprigs. I have all but given up trying to plan anything in that corner for several reasons.

Our dogs tend to run through the planter box which leave it difficult to maintain any pretty flowers or plants. We have several shrubs that you can't really hurt to much, and the birds seem to nest inside them anyway.

We we first moved to this house I was so looking forward to being able to plan a variety of different rose bushes and flowering plants. We had a vegetable garden in our backyard at our house in CA and had a front corner that I planted several roses and other flowers in. Our first year here I eagerly bought three rose bushes and eagerly awaited the beautiful flowers. Needless to say one by one they died, I never could figure out if it was the ground content or lack of but I gave up on roses.

Several years after we lived here one spring as I was weeding I noticed what looked like a rose bush sprout out from underneath the foundation of the house. I left it alone and it grew like a weed, it didn't flower that year but I eventually pruned it back and each year since I have gotten at least one bud. This year I left it alone and it has about seven roses. After years of observations I believe it is a climbing rose bush. This isn't the only plant that has mysteriously appeared in the yard. Several ferns appear at end of spring into early summer that end up like large fan looking sprays. They actually help keep the area cool and look rather exotic.

David and I have figured that before we moved hear that the house probably had alot of overgrowth and the owners whacked everything down to nothing and that it took several years to recover.

I have resigned myself to only keeping hanging geraniums (you usually can't kill those very easily, and they also keep the bugs away).

Like the song "I Left my Heart in San Francisco", well "I Left my Green Thumb in Los Angeles" I guess...

Being Accountable and What It Really Means

As a child growing up our household dynamic was my Dad was a firefighter for the Los Angeles County Fire Department and my Mom was as my Dad liked to put on our tax records a Domestic Engineer. I never exactly knew if he was being snide or if he thought that sounded more professional. It was his choice that she not work although her education had been nursing. She graduated in one of the first classes at the local community college in the late 50's as a LPN. I never really figured out if she was upset that she never got to work outside the home but I remember them both saying "Be independent and self-sufficient and depend on no one". I had my first job at 17 in a local bank as a "check filer". Today that job is done by machine but I thought it was so cool everyday after school to go down and spend 2 1/2 hours a day seeing what the local companies spent their money on. I distinctly remember one of the larger alcohol distributors had numerous bounced checks. It was a fun job for a 17 year old and I was pumped that I got $60.00 a week.

Two weeks after graduation I received notices from the State of California wanting to hire me as an entry-level clerk. I had a couple choices and picked the Employment Development Department Job Bank. I worked in one of several throughout the state that employers called when they needed jobs filled. It was definitely an interesting place and some of the other employees would tell me some of the interesting people they would come across both on the phone and in person. I never could understand why some of the applicants would work the system and basically just appear at the office to say they had been out on job interviews (when they hadn't and the determinations officer would have to decide whether or not to approve there unemployment checks).

Now with the economy as it is, a recent conversation took me back to that time. I have several people I know who are getting unemployment because they have been laid off, they haven't really attempted to find other work or when they were asked to return to work they would rather claim the unemployment. I have never been in this situation, never received a cent of unemployment but I guess this general attitude bothers me a little.

I know everyone makes choices: We made a life changing one when we made our big move almost 13 years ago. I knew when we started our business early on that we could go anywhere in the country and still run our trucking business, but my specific job being a civil servant was a little more difficult. At the time I had worked 16 1/2 years in several different capacities, had benefits, seniority. I knew I would never be able to make the amount of money I had before in the area I was moving too and without more education behind me it would be more beneficial to our family for me to stay at home at run the other half of the business.

Yes to some I might be a Domestic Engineer (I do have to do housework) I do the office aspects of running our business (phones, computer, bills, quotes, purchasing, public relations, filing, advertising, you get the idea), When the kids were still at home I was taxi-mom, activities chairperson). I have also added in the last several years part-time caregiver to my in-laws, somehow in the span of 24 hours I volunteer for a couple organizations in the community and church, I try and have some "me" time. But I guess my point is people just assume because I don't get dressed up everyday and leave the house for 8-12 hours a day and actually get a paycheck with my name on it, I don't work... I knew from the get-go I would have to tackle this dilemma.

Try as I might I try to ignore the rude and insensitive comments. Recently while at the hospital someone mentioned they had seen a picture of me in the paper from a recent activity I belong too. The other person in the room made a comment something to the affect "I didn't know you worked?". My reply, "I work everyday". The room went silent. Enough said the conversation went to something else.

Point being, I probably work harder than alot of people I know who actually get a paycheck every week. My multi-tasking skills have taken on a life of their own, sometimes I am so busy I can hardly catch my breath. Sometimes I question my path I have taken because sometimes I know I depend on my husband for all the hard work he has to do. We all do what we have to do to survive in this world. Some people just do it a little differently than others...