A Sigh Continued

As I said on the previous post, this week has been filled with highs, lows and everything in between. I was counting the days for David to return home on Thursday night. I told him please try and not wake me up as I new he would be getting in rather late. Usually he can sneak in pretty well but this one wasn't one of those times. I had been so exhausted and relieved from my news on Thursday that I fell asleep rather early, only to be woke up with him getting his bag caught on the bell I have on the door (I kept it on even after the kids left, it was my makeshift alarm when they would sneak in later than I liked), he then dropped his boots on the floor and bumped into the chair, as he made it to the bedroom the dogs were starting whimper and scratch, I told him he could forget trying to be quiet as I was already awake, amazingly I had no problem falling back to sleep.

When we woke up Friday I asked him what his plans were, "Nothin". He said he would tag along with me to the store (which I knew probably wasn't the best idea, like a kid we end up with more in the cart than needed). We got halfway through the store when my cell rang. My MIL was frantic. My FIL had passed out on the living room floor, hit his head and was slightly dazed. She hesitated to call the ambulance but I said go ahead and we would be right over. Anyone who knows my FIL he very rarely complains and has been a trooper with dealing with my MIL's cancer and has taken on alot. When the EMT's arrived they asked him if he wanted to go and he said yes. Wow he must feel bad I thought. The entourage followed to the emergency room where we sat for the next 7 hours. Tests, scans and finally they admitted him and he has spent the weekend in the hospital. More tests on Monday and hopefully answers (his blood pressure was high and he has one kidney to add to all this).

I know it pained me to see two people married 59 years in June, the look in their eyes and the fight they have been through with health issues. One would be lost without the other. He is a man of few words. They have worked as a team for the 27 years I have known them. I have used them as my blueprint to some extent. I think one of the main differences for me is that I have always been an independent person to a large extent, where my MIL hasn't. She chooses to be dependent on him fully. She never learned to drive a car, she has chosen not to educate herself about household finances, and her world is "she asks no questions".

I know I will someday be in likely the same life situations they are in health wise but I am so thankful I was raised to be for the most part independent.

I know one thing this past month I have learned: Learn to say "NO", try not to take certain things seriously, live life to the fullest, and try, try not to worry, duh easier said than done, but it's a work in progress. Breath, and enjoy the sunny days, it doesn't matter where you pray.

Love what you have, you never no when it could be taken away...

Breathing a VERY Big Sigh of Relief

After over a month of appointments, scans, ultrasound, and a biopsy yesterday the surgeon called this afternoon and said "everything was fine". The best possible words in the English language on this day for me.

If you are like I am, I literally had myself suffering from the dreaded disease but the million in one I told you so's and extra special prayers from my great friends and also my little prayer myself to God yesterday as I laid on the gurney while they poked the needle into my breast was heard.

So many things go through your head and it doesn't help when every other thing on the news or television in general points to the worse case scenarios. As much as you don't want to watch it or hear about any of it, it draws you in. I guess you just have to learn to separate yourself from it. I know that it is better to be informed and with the Internet at hand it is really important to keep the truth from the myth or legend separate.

Of course the first person I called was my husband, the second was my MIL who in a totally bizarre turn of events yesterday at the hospital told me "you can't be sick, I need you".

My wonderful daughter accompanied me yesterday bright and early to the hospital. I felt it was alot to put on 22 years of her life but she didn't shy away a bit from the task. God love her. We sat there only a few moments when the nurse came to bring me in. Of course her first words were "How are you today?". My reply was "gee I can think of 101 places I would rather be". I know it was just a way of starting a dialog but what other kind of response would they expect.

As I hopped up on the gurney they covered me with the nice warm blankets my start to the procedure began. Staring up at the ceiling tiles I commented to the technician "gee you would think they would put pictures or even a flat screen TV on the ceiling to distract patients". Her reply "I'll make that suggestion". The hum of the ultrasound machine helped a little to distract me, kinda reminded me of a hair dryer which actually puts me to sleep if I am under one long enough.

The doctor came in and proceeded to explain the quick procedure, poke me with the deadening medicine and then on with the biopsy. The one thing that went through my mind was I am glad I have large boobs because it felt like they were pressing down so hard they were going to invert it through my back. In the snap of a finger it was done. The only symptom aftermath later in the day was I felt like I had been hit with a baseball. No bruising like they said might happen. As I got up to leave the surgeon repeated that he really didn't think it was anything to worry about, "go shopping" he said. Gee I don't have to be told twice.

I didn't go shopping but decided to take my daughter to breakfast instead.

Before we left the hospital I knew that my MIL was down in the Cancer Center getting as she called it "her extra quart of oil". With her cancer she gets low on fluids frequently and needs to get 4 hour treatments occasionally. As I stopped by and had a word with her before she got started, one of our local photographers was there getting set up to take pictures. The Center is preparing a new brochure on the center and they were waiting for "models" patients to come in. The photographer couldn't wait so he asked myself and my MIL and FIL to play like we were patients, by that time a friend of mine had brought her husband in for his treatment so we had a room full. It felt a little strange to me to be acting like I was a cancer patient but I always seem to get talked into things in a strange way.

I am just glad that I can get back to my usual routine and go on...

I tried to keep as quiet as possible about this and only told a few friends..Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers I truly appreciate everything...Sigh

Mother's-What are They Worth?

In the last few days there has been several stories about what a mother is actually worth. They get paid with hugs and kisses, sometimes mean comments but someone has actually calculated what we as mother's would be worth if we got paid over the course of time that we raise our children. I actually took a few moments to figure it out for myself and if over the course of 18 years I would have been, if actually payment had been made close to $1 million! Give or take a few thousand. My children's first 10 years I worked outside the home full-time, with a three hour commute round trip. I still to this day don't know how I did it and can't believe I made it through those years. I guess I thought it might be a little easier when we moved to be a stay-at-home mom. Actually I think it was harder, since I probably tripled my activities, adding on school, business and what personal time I could juggle.

I know no mother would probably take a penny for being a mother, we all know going in that it isn't an easy task, but fulfilling in almost every way.

This time of year is a little bittersweet each year since my biological mom has been gone 15 years, both granma's have been gone for several years and I haven't spoken to my adoptive mom in 25 years. Thank goodness for my mother-in-law. She has been there from the start. Always willing to listen to whatever problems even if they were about her son sometimes. She always says she hates mother's day. I think it brings sad memories for both of us in many different ways.

For those who still have there mom's--don't just make this weekend a day of celebration, make everyday one. Even the smallest thank you or acknowledgement means the world to all Mom's..I was blessed with two great children and any amount of money whether it be a million or a dollar I don't think it matters..

Just watch the next time someone yells out mom in a store, how many heads turn around...

Insurance-Everyone Needs It,Not Everyone Gets It

I know I am not the first when the word "insurance" comes up, the fine hairs on my neck stand on end, and my blood starts to boil. The million and one insurance you have to have to live in the world with is unbelievable.

Health Insurance, Car Insurance, Life Insurance, Renter's Insurance, the list goes on and on. If there isn't a policy for it they will make it up insurance. I think I can say I feel like we are "insurance poor". Let's not even bring up the price of said insurances. The millions of Americans who can't even afford any insurance I feel especially sorry for.

This past week I had three different insurance issues to deal with. I can't say I understand insurance any better than I did before I started but I am sure I am not alone.

A Weekend with A Diverse Group of Women

This past weekend could have been described in 1,000 different ways. To start it was great to be able to get away for a few days after having several weeks of personal issues that are still up in the air for me. The business meeting part of it was something that kept me wondering why some people would question making the changes that we ultimately have decided to go ahead with but not everyone thinks the same and some are just clueless whether by choice or not. The old saying, "you can't get a group of women to agree on everything" definitely is a statement I hate to admit is true. But in the end we made one major decision for MO women. I hope that we will move on and make it a group that is user friendly by all ages of women. Only time will tell....whatever Missouri Federation of Business and Professional Women's Club Inc. decision is I hope my decision is to be apart of it..

We did have a little fun too. Although I didn't go shopping, just spending leisure time with one of my wonderful friends was great. The ride up was filled with a variety of conversations, laughter and at least we can say we didn't get hit by a turkey (a little inside joke between those of us from our group who were there).

Meeting new people is always fun. I find that my networking skills get better as I mature. I'm not the little wallflower I used to be..I also even discovered something about one of my friends that we had figure skating in common. How that subject had never come up before I will never know but we now have something new to talk about when we see each other again.

Building Powerful Women is part of the theme of the 90th Celebration of this group that will get together during the summer for as I can only imagine will be a big blowout get together from women from not only MO but also possibly from all over the country. A modern day hen party probably but whatever excuse we use I am positive it will be something we will all remember.

If I Could Snap My Fingers

I know this seems like a strange title of a post but I needed to go into the fantasy of being able to snap my fingers and have the ability to change things at a given time. I know that probably seems selfish but if I could have one wish and I am sure I am not alone I always thought it would be terrific to have the ability to go back in certain parts of history and to be able to alter certain things. Mind you I am not trying to be God but I have always been intrigued by movies that dealt in this. Certain times in our history I thought I would like to have been there.

To be able to experience times during the Civil War and the courage and abilities to get through tough times and fight for the things that they did. I often heard stories from my grandparents about the early 20's and 30's the joys and sorrows but the sense that even what little they had brought them happiness. I would definitely like to relive my childhood (the saying if I knew then what I know now) I am sure we all would like to have do-overs. This may seem wrong to just be happy with what we have been through, done and accomplished but I guess the perfectionist just wishes I could have done things differently.

Part of the reason for this post is I know it is a part of life in general but my always having the need for everything to go beautifully and without forks in the road has again come to rear it's ugly head. I know I am being unrealistic.

I recently had to have a breast ultrasound after an issue with a mammogram. I am now in the process of having a biopsy shortly due to in their terms, "irregular, dense fibroglandular tissue present".

Of course I am thinking the worst, as I usually do so the past several weeks have been a little unsettling. I am really trying to keep positive, yes I have already done the why me?

So...If I could snap my fingers--snapping, snapping, I truly hope that things will come out fine.

Optimism is the Objective

I had a very hectic week and it seemed every time I tried to do something positive something got in the way. But the determined person that I am I forged ahead kicking and screaming. With all of the uproar I couldn't help but go back to two times this week that I saw interviews from Michael J. Fox who you would think would be the least optimistic person around. Since being diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease 18 years ago he has taken a literal 180. How would I know you ask? Well I have a little experience.

When they filmed the trilogy "Back to the Future" parts of the movie was filmed in my old neighborhood in CA. Our house was actually in one scene (if you blink really hard) but the hours upon hours of preparation time made for some wonderful pics of the kids on the props. During this entire time there was an absolute hoopla in the neighbor. It was exciting except for the fact that the filming was done entirely between midnight and 2 a.m. And in all that we never once saw Michael J. Fox. When the crew was asked if he would be around they said, "Sorry he will only appear for his scene's, no exception, his choice". At the time I thought well it's not surprising. He was known back then to be very unreachable. I guess like anything a life-threatening situation changes your perspective on things.

He mentioned on the interview with David Letterman how now that he has Parkinson's he can't really "hide" because his body movements are so noticeable that he addresses when people ask questions of him.

Isn't it funny it usually takes a life changing situation to change your perspective .Why is that? It isn't like we don't know we need to change the things we do or how we are? His optimistic attitude that a cure for his disease and other's gives other's hope.

So I hope to have a great weekend, another busy week is around the corner, optimism will be my objective.