How Did we Live in 1979? A 2009 Perspective

Usually every Sunday morning as I am getting ready for church I watch a program called Sunday Morning. It has been on for many moons but somehow I could hooked into watching. They without fail have interesting stories about different people, places and things from around the world.

This past Sunday I didn't go to church because of the massive amounts of wonderful white snow we had received on Christmas Eve but I managed to wake up and switch on the TV, much to my husbands dismay as he wanted to get some extra sleep.

One of the stories that really caught my eye was one of the reporters was trying to explain to his very young granddaughter about what life was like way back in 1979. She was a young child of 3 so she wasn't fully comprehending the full extent of the conversation. He ticked most of the things we did or didn't do or have and it did put things into perspective as they say.

Obviously we didn't have cell-phones. Most of us still had what they called in the old days a rotary dial. Most of us couldn't afford microwaves. When we wanted to heat our leftovers we either put them in a plastic bag in water or we re-heated it in that object called an oven.

The internet. We didn't have that either. My first knowledge of a computer was a room that had floor to ceiling large boxes that made alot of noise and let's just say you couldn't have one on your lap as we do laptops today.

Car's didn't have GPS to find your way along life's highway. You had what we called a Thomas Guide a book that you opened and tried to find where you were going.

The largest television set you could buy that I could remember was a 25 inch. Now I have seen a 72 inch flatscreen. A flatscreen was what you go if you broke your television back in the day. You didn't have remotes (at least we didn't) you got up and changed the channels yourself. If we did that today alot of us would be in far better shape physically.

The list goes on and on and on. When you put it in the perspective the reporter did you wonder how we were able to survive? But the same could be said if you go even further back to the horse and buggy days, the days with out electricity, or when heat was wood in a stove.

We have definitely came a very, very long way. We have a long way to go too. But it is oh so wonderful to have all the terrific memories as we go into 2010. I really wonder what the New Year will bring??

Random Acts During the Holiday Season

The holiday season shouldn't be the only time of the year when you take time to do random acts of kindness but it is probably the most prevalent time that we hear about them. It makes your heart feel joyful that their are still very good people in the world during this time of economic strife and at a time when some people feel at their lowest either because of having lost a job, a loved one or just because they chose to be Scrooge.

Today when I checked our local paper on the internet their was a story of how a kind soul gave a little extra to their waitress after eating a meal at a local restaurant. This person would probably not been able to give a gift to their kids if it hadn't been for this kind gentlemen. It's not the only story I have heard in the past few months but as Christmas is just days away it makes you take time to think about how luck we are on a personal level.

Our family has been lucky in many ways and we have given to others throughout the year and during the holidays. The saying "what goes around, comes around" has significant importance for me in many respects on a daily basis. Whether it be good or even bad karma you just never know when you might need that helping hand. Their are those that will appreciate it without a word or those that take advantage on a daily basis. We all know such individuals. But, during this time of year I chose to have a heart that is slightly bigger.

I have had Christmas holidays in the past that made me wonder if things could get any worse than what was happening right at that time, but with a little prayer and believing that it would get better managed to pull out of the bad times. I do remind myself of those times, unfortunately during this time of year and count myself and my family as being blessed.

Surround yourself with good things, leave the negativity behind you during this time of year as best you can.

If you are out and about and feel that special sensation in your heart to give something to someone else here is a few tips: when you are in line to buy that cup of coffee, pay for the person behind you too, while you are at the market--give an amount of money to the cashier and tell them to put it toward the next person who comes through, do this at the gas station..

Random acts of kindness can be a good thing during the holidays or anytime of the year....

As the World Turns, Everything Else Must Change

, Another piece of history is going to bite the dust. This week another of the daytime soap operas said it will call it quits next September. As the World Turns was another of the long running daytime soap programs that started many moon's ago and will cease to be a part of women's and men's lives on a daily basis. Just this past September another of the daytime soaps bit the dust. Guiding Light had started on the radio as a 15 min program way back in the day when people who listen to the radio as we today watch our televisions.

My grandmother did it, my mother did it and I have to admit soaps have been a part of my life since I was little. I can remember both my mom and grandma ironing clothes and watching what the lives of the Bauer's from Guiding Light or the Hughes families from As the World Turns fame and others and what turmoils their lives were in.

My kids can remember a time when their babysitter would watch soaps feed them their lunch, put them down for naps.

Some think it is a waste of time but those that do are usually closeted watchers. I have to say over the past several years my watching has decreased. Oh yes you really don't have to watch on a daily basis because truly the stories really don't ever change. This one sleeping with that one, but over the years the storylines have gotten more steamy and subject matter that fifty or sixty years ago wouldn't have even be uttered is now not as big a deal. Gay partnerships, addictions, abuse the list goes on.

It will be sad because it will be another link to what my grandma and mom's had in their lives so long ago. But times must change. Just keep telling yourself that and maybe you will get used to it.

I will enjoy what little time is left of As the World Turns.

First Holiday Weekend

Well I can safely say I made it through this first weekend. I certainly wondered when the week started if I was. For some reasons the first weekend of any month for me is always filled with alot of things but this one because of the holiday coming up was extremely full. With all of my extra curricular things comes with monthly meetings and events and usually with all of these comes with either a luncheon or dinner. I actually had to think back and I couldn't remember if I even ate any meals at home except for breakfast everyday. I know for sure my diet seems to have flown out the window. And then the proverbial gift exchanges. I enjoy this except when I haven't had time to really shop. I do like to put a little thought into this because who doesn't like to get a gift? But unfortunately, I had barely even done any Christmas shopping as of yet by the time the first time for exchanges came along. I am way behind this year. By the time Thursday's meeting came along I was just glad the weekend was coming so I could plan a true trip to go Christmas shopping.

Some girlfriends and I decided to kick off our weekend by going to the movies on Friday night. Let me tell you I haven't been to the late movie and I don't know how long but after a long, long day I wondered if I would be able to keep my little peepers opened that long.

We decided to see "The Blind Side". I am not really sure the reasons other than it had great reviews and Tim McGraw was in it, along with Sandra Bullock. In a nutshell the story was about a young man who was taken in by a family because he didn't have anyone who wanted him.

His mom was a drug user, he didn't know where his father was and the system had pushed him from place to place. You might think this is a typical plot line but this one was a little different.

This young man is now a pro football player with the Baltimore Ravens and on the road to success. All of us decided it was a great movie and would recommend seeing.

The rest of the weekend was busy with my booth at the craft show and then I actually got to spend Sunday afternoon shopping. I didn't get all of it done but made a significant dent in my gift giving.

I am sure this week will be a little slower, hopefully but let's not be "blind sided" by what the true meaning of the holiday is. It's not just the gift giving, but the time we can spend with our love one's, and also the birth of Jesus. It is is the reason for the season.

Thanksgiving Weekend Caught Up to Me

It seemed like only yesterday that I was out in California enjoying my two week getaway and now we have raced through Halloween and Thanksgiving without a turn of the head it seems.

Now we are in day two of December and I kinda wonder, how did the Christmas Rush creep up on me? I had every intention of starting my shopping yesterday. I got David off on his December run, went to a monthly meeting and as I was sitting in the meeting I was plotting my route to where I would start my Christmas shopping in town. After a few minutes I felt like the room was spinning a little. By the end of the meeting all I wanted to do was get in my car and get home, hop into bed and close my eyes. And that's exactly what I did. I just felt plain icky. I think it may have been all the excitement of the past week with Thanksgiving and all the excitement with having company at home. And today was actually my first day back to my reality. I guess it was just too much to handle. So needless to say I spent the rest of the day in bed, not answering phones and catching little naps. By later in the evening I felt lots better and managed to fall asleep by 10:00 p.m.

With the 23 days that I have left, I guess I must use my time a wisely as possible. Christmas is meant to be a time of remembering so many things, the birth of Jesus, giving to others, spending time with family and friends and reflecting on how special our live are. It is a wonderful thing to do all these things, but least we forget our lives seem to go by warp speed almost on a daily basis. We must take time for ourselves, no it's not selfish, because if we don't how can we be of any use to anyone?

Countdown to Christmas. Happy Holidays to all. Always remember those who are least fortunate.

Reading Can Be Fundamental To Our Life

Reading has been an important part of my life as long as I can remember. Largely because way back when it was something my parents did when we didn't watch the limited television channels that we had in the olden days. Each week we would go to the local public library and check out books. Those adventures in storytelling made my life as an only child much more interesting. As a young girl I read the Nancy Drew Series and alot of the childhood classics. Way before the Harry Potter or Twilight Series of today it seems as though they are trying to make reading cool again.

As part of our school curriculum we had a series of literature books we were required to read then we could add others throughout the year. I don't think there hasn't been a time in my life that I didn't have a book on my bedside table. Although for some reading puts them to sleep, it doesn't for me.

My variety of subject matter is pretty extensive. I love just about any type of stories. I heard recently about how the more you read to your children when they are young their interests in reading will be cultivated. Well sorry to say it didn't happen with either of my children. Although my daughter probably reads more than my son, neither got the voracious reading habits that I have had over the years. I found out also that my biological mom was the same way. Guess the apple didn't fall far from the tree.

I have recently been on a biography kick. I have read several of people who grew up during my time. Marie Osmond, Valerie Bertinelli's two books and now I am reading Melissa Gilbert from Little House on the Prairie fame. I think the one truly unusual parallel to all these women with myself is how similar our families were. I don't know if it was because of the 70's or what but alot of the same things they went through was the same for me. It doesn't matter if you are a big star or a little sprinkle in the universe I guess.

Reading can be many things for many people. For lonely, only children its an escape. Knowledge is golden from any perspective. It's just a part of life. Since my blog inception I have included some of the books I have read as suggestive reading for other's. It's always wonderful to get lost in the story of other's it's amazing sometimes how it can be much like our own.

It's Thanksgiving It Must Be Time for Christmas

It just doesn't seem possible. We are days away from a Turkey Dinner and mixed in with all that presents are being bought, and the signs, sights and sounds of Christmas are intertwining in right along with everything.

Weeks ago I drove down one of our local streets and I passed several homes that already had their Christmas yard decorations out. Today on my way for my walk I noticed that one of the local residents who goes beyond the usual 2 or 3 yard decorations already had his 100+ (I am truly not even sure how many he puts out. I am assuming he will light them up on Thanksgiving night like many around town do.

It seems as though the ceremonial putting up of the lights gets earlier and earlier. Of course in the mid-west you have to do it "when the weather is good". Way back when we lived in California it was usually 2-3 weeks before Christmas.

As each of these little hints come to pass, I still am not their yet as far as the Christmas spirit. I guess it is different for everyone. It seems as we get older we try and keep the true meaning of Christmas in our hearts. It's not just the presents or the food. It's who you can spend this time with and remembering the religious meaning. Traditions are important and starting new traditions can be tough for those who fight changes.

Their is rumors we may have a little snow this week. Maybe that will help to kick start the holidays. What do you think?

Driving Along Life's Highway

Unfortunately, no one is immunized from life's struggling economy. It happens far to frequently then any one of us would like to admit but we hope that we can make lemonade out of life's lemons.

Even in our little town of 23,000+ we see homeless people. Either standing at the end of the parking lot at the local Walmart or walking around town. You never know what their situations are but one of the first things I think of is I would hate to end up like them. Sometimes due to mental illness, substance abuse or sometimes just generalized reasons; it is sad.

I worked for several years blocks away from Skid Row in Downtown Los Angeles. Most would not ask for handouts but just lay on the bus benches or on the curb sides or walk down the street amongst the working class. The shelters are usually filled to capacity each night so many sleep where ever they can.

The other day David and I needed to drive to Columbia to get some things done. While we were waiting to turn onto the street from the freeway I looked to my left next to the freeway underpass where I saw a shabbily dressed man with a sleeping bag and backpack on the ground gathering his small amount of belongings. As we sat in our car I thought to myself this is all this man probably has--what is laying there on the ground. It made me think how extremely fortunate we are to have a house, food and clothes to wear.

When ever I get frustrated about the daily struggles that are so small, I think I shall think about those people I remember from my days in L.A. when I was more desensitized. I guess it's the fact as we get older and worry about life more frequently it comes to the forefront that things can happen in the blink of an eye, even driving along life's highway.

Preparing Your Own Therapy

People find different experiences therapeutic. Some exercise, some read, garden or work on their cars. I have many things I like to do that help me to de-stress but one I put at the top of my list is cooking.

As a kid I would watch my family prepare different items, my grandparents loved baking. Especially during the holidays their were always those special cookies and once a year items. I did more watching than helping back then but now I love to create different things. Those observation sessions were wonderful but it's also great to concoct your own things too.

This past week I needed to come up with several items for an auction/bazaar at our annual church chili dinner. Since cranberries are a seasonal favorite I prepared my cranberry/white chocolate cookies and cranberry orange glazed mini loaves. Our annual dinner includes dessert for each person so I also made coconut pies. These items kept me busy for a couple days but again this was my therapy.

Then it was what to make for a progressive dinner. I had agreed to make an appetizer but again I wanted to make something different so I made little mini muffins with Gouda, Sundried Tomatoes and Maple Syrup. Yummy!! They actually seemed to have a pizza flavor to them in a little bit.

Usually my best critic is David. I can always gauge how good something is buy two things. One if he takes multiple portions; that's a good thing. If you ask him how something is and his reply is "It's alright". You probably don't want to make it again. I have been lucky he doesn't say this very often but over the years their has been a few.

It's taken me along time to learn how to cook in "bulk". Now when I really don't have too, I still do sometimes but hey their is always leftovers.

Another good point of this "therapy" is it's probably cheaper than a real therapist.

Trick or Treat

The trees are almost completely bare, the wind is blowing and it's that time of year again when you just can't stay out of the candy dish. I always seem to blow my diet and eat a good percentage of the candy I have bought for trick or treaters. Maybe I should buy candy I don't like and that might help me out? You would think I would learn but alas it brings back the memories of my childhood and the usual lack of getting to go trick or treat.

I could probably count the amount of times I was able to participate. Usually I got really sick before with a cold or some such illness. Let's face it fall/winter babies just don't seem to stay as healthy.

My actually fondest memory of this time was going to my granma and granpas house and filling the individual candy bags they gave out. Each year we would pick out between five and six types of candy, spill them out onto the table and we would bag six pieces per wax baggy and staple them shut.. The kids always loved coming to granmas because she gave out so much candy. Funny what memories can do for us.

While living in California Halloween would be a pretty big deal we could have as much as 110-150 kids any given year so five to six pieces per kid just wasn't in the budget.. Over the years the numbers have dwindled with more families doing group activities rather than going from door to door but it is always fun seeing the little kids dressed up.

Well I guess I am off to buy more candy and set a rule for next year. Wait until the day of Halloween to buy candy.

The Pink Maytag

I grew up during a time when orange, avocado and gold were the "in" colors. I guess I am giving away my age but this is one aspect of my life I rarely keep secret anyway. Every decade has its color choices in the 50's it was pink.

One of the first things I noticed when I first visited my biological granma was her pink breakfast nook in her kitchen. She took pride in that it was custom made and also had a small pink booster seat that my half-sister sat in as a little girl. All her appliances at one time were pink. Pink was a significant color in their lives. One of her sister's had a custom-made pink couch and love seat. All this pink ended up in my granma's position at one time or another. She couldn't part with a pink Maytag washer and dryer set that belonged to this same sister so it sat in my granma's garage for many years.

This week in the news was a story that brought me back to all this pink. In 1957 a woman in Oklahoma bought her mother a pink Maytag set for Mother's Day. Her mom was so excited to have this new modern convenience in her favorite color. But the real kicker in this story is that it has lasted for 51 years!! Anytime it needed small repairs they were able to fix it but they handle on the dryer wouldn't stay shut and they had to prop a barrel to keep the door closed while it was operating. A call was made to see if they could replace the broken item but they no longer made the part to do so. Sadly, the mother gave up the appliances but the good thing was that they were going to the Maytag Museum.. The salesman who sold the new set to her daughter was amazed that the set was older than he was.

Today's appliance last usually 5-7 years if you are lucky. They aren't made to repair but to replace..

Women Today--Have Things Changed?

This week marks Business Women's Week. A local organization I belong to has events scheduled everyday this week to help women network with other women throughout the area. I have been around long enough to remember when it was once called Secretary's Day. Their was also Bring Your Daughter to Work Day. My how we have evolved. I do remember when my daughter was little taking her to work. She wasn't old enough to really fully absorb what this day should or would mean later in her life but I admit I think we have evolved just a little.

Although we still deal with the stigma of being able to multi-task and balance lifestyles that I think far outweigh our counterparts I believe women have come a long way. I think back to my grandmother's and mother's and each of them had a very different life.

My adoptive mom was a stay at home mom, I wonder sometimes whether it was by choice or because my dad wanted her to depend on him. I felt like she never really had a voice in how the household ran and yet I can remember one distinct saying from her, "Don't depend on anyone be independent". I truly think she was telling me don't do like she had... My granma Ruby lived through the Depression and World War II. Raising my adoptive mom while my granpa was in the war, she took in ironing and odd jobs to give my mom the special things in life. Although my granma's dad lived with them for most of my mom's young life it was my granma who made ends meet while granpa was fighting in the war. When granma got older she reversed and depended alot on granpa but I think he felt it was only fitting for all she had to do early on..

As far as my biological family my granma and my mom both were primarily single parents raising kids by themselves. Both were married two time each but most of their lives were spent working and raising their kids independently. So I guess you can say I get a little taste of all types of women in my life.

We still have a long, long way to go (yes I would like to see a woman president someday, I also believe that women should across the board be paid the same amount as men, if not more sometimes). I personally struggle with my roles in life everyday but every little bit of encouragement I get either from my family or peers helps in the everyday struggle we all have as women in this crazy, unpredictable world we live in.

Making the Most out of a "Working" Weekend

I spent part of this weekend at my other "job". Although our trucking business brings in the bacon for the past five years I have stepped out of my comfort zone and also am an Independent Consultant with Beauticontrol. They are for those who don't know a spa, skincare and make-up company that has been around for about 30 years. Most of your income is done through spa parties and customer sales. Let me tell you it hasn't been an easy task for me at all and probably won't be any easier in the unforeseeable future. I am not a gung-ho type person who can sell the shirt off my back. I don't feel you should pressure anyone into something they are not willing to try. I have a very small client base but am always looking for additional clients.

To find these clients I usually do on site shows or expos around the area. With the economy as it is these type shows have become increasingly harder to spend time at. People are not in the market, are not willing to try new things, and are stuck in their own proverbial ruts. But hey if I can get one client I am happy. This weekend I think I did but let's just say other than that the show was very slow.

During the 15+ hours I spent their I think the biggest thing that brings a smile or a chuckle to me are just the people watching you can do at one of these. In my boredom I almost came to the point of categorizing and counting some of the types of people you might see. The older elderly couples who are just their to get a walk in, the Amish/Mennonite's who have no less than 5 children, all dressed the same and looking the same. They never buy anything at the shows and rarely talk, but I guess it's a big outing to come to the "city"... Then their are the people who you really don't even want to make small talk with but you grin and bear it and send them on their way.

One new vendor this year was the local Humane Society on Saturday. They had several cuddly, cute puppies and kittens available. They provided a musical feel throughout the arena with their meowing and barking but it helped from the day before with 9 hours of silence. Several of the volunteers paraded the pups around on leashes. Hey who can't keep from smiling at those sad faces??

On the flip side of this their was a family of that walked by my booth that had their young daughter on a "leash". I know that children can be a handful but I draw the line at this types of methods on keeping your child in toe so to speak. Hey I had kids too don't get me wrong, sometimes my method was the playpen but a leash? Come on.. this is where you have verbal conversations on how important it is for Johnny or Jenny to hold your hand while walking...

You won't get bored people watching know matter where you are even at a small town business expo....

Veteran Honor Flight-Honoring Those Who Have Served

Sometimes I have to admit that our speakers for our Business and Professional Women's meetings don't always catch my attention but last night this wasn't the case.

First I have stated many times in my blogs that my grandfather was a World War II veteran. He was the stereotypical, closed mouth man who didn't like to talk about his time overseas. Although he kept a scrapbook while stationed in the South Pacific, I remember that most of the news clippings were about things that happened at home rather than what happened in the war. He came home with scares, tattoos and stories that he chose not to talk about.

When I heard that the Show Me Honor Flight representative was coming to speak I was excited. Although I in my heart I believe that my grandfather would probably not want to re-live those days by visiting a memorial I have always wondered why it took so long to have one in Washington D.C. for these truly special men and women. With more than 1,000 WWII veterans dying each day (20 in Missouri alone) time is ticking for these soldiers.

The speaker told about some highlights of trips he has taken as a Guardian/Escort of those who have made this 24 hour turn around trip (mind you these soldiers are now probably in their late 80's early 90's and health is definitely an issue). Some sadly after signing up to make the trip don't get the chance to visit due to untimely passing but in their hearts they made a far bigger sacrifice while being "over their".

The speaker also talked about how Sedalia is honoring all veterans in a very special way. Sedalia is currently going through a downtown revitalization project and the Honor Flight group is participating by doing brick pavers in honor of all veterans of all wars and conflicts. At $50.00 donation this is a small price to contribute to honor all veterans. Although my grandfather passed in 1977, I am purchasing a brick in his honor so when I walk the sidewalk here in town I can look down and see grandpa looking back up at me, in spirit.

I am considering also being a escort/guardian on a future trip to D.C. in honor of such a wonderful man that influences me still...

All We Are Is A Number

Today will be like any other day but it hit me how all society probably always has been just a number.. If it's not what birth order you are in when it comes to your family. (I started out as an only, then went to being a middle-3rd of 6). You are given a birth date which numerologist have there take on this in a mathematical/personality sense. We are then given a social security number that from the day we are born until we die sometimes I feel like it should be tattooed somewhere on our body.

As we stepped into the Internet world passwords/numbers became a part of our lives. It started out small, but now my world has ballooned into a secret notebook in a secret location that has listings of numbers to various websites, accounts well you know I am sure everyone has gotten overwhelmed by how many numbers they have to remember. And Lord if you don't write them down you are forever banned from entering into the world that you have created so that you can maneuver in this number world. You are cautioned not to keep these numbers but are also instructed not to use the same numbers or codes for each account. Ok, you can't have it both ways--you can't expect people to forever remember these numbers....

It's not bad enough but then most women must remember numbers that belong to their husbands or children. Truthfully, I probably know more about David's life then he does, hey as long as I know his social security number than I am good to go..I drew the line when it came to the kids I figured by a certain age it was their turn to start learning this number world they live in.

What goes along with this is usually the off the wall questions they ask you can even get into your information. What is your dog's name? What is your favorite vacation spot? Etc.... Oh well I guess this is just another one of those things that unfortunately we have to except because there really isn't anything that can be done. Someday it will probably be like something out of the sci-fi world, they will will be scanning our index finger or eyes to have us provide the vital information that belongs to us but that they keep hostage....

Comments on President Obama's Health Care Address

I get on my soapbox on a variety of issues but usually politics is one I keep close to the cuff. I try and listen to both sides but over this past presidential election I feel like that is very hard to do, more so everyday.

My first take on watching the "speech" was that I felt like I was watching a major league baseball game. Usually during the 7 inning stretch they at some point have the crowd doing the "wave". Was it just me or did it seem as though congress was doing the wave. I lost count on how many times they stood up. It was also like watching an exercise video.

I watched in laughter as Vice President Joe Biden and Speaker Nancy Pelosi looked like the two entertainment masks (one with a frown, one with a Cheshire cat grin).

President Obama mentioned how the first health care bill was introduced in 1943 by a Michigan representative and how his son was carrying on the fight for better health care. The speech was also not without mentioning Senator Kennedy's lifelong commitment to improving the health care system. I use the word "system" literally.

I remember back as a kid making frequent doctor visits. I was a child with many colds, ear infections and all the usual childhood issues. A call was made to our family physician, you met with the doctor and paid your bill. I don't recall that we had insurance until my early teen years when we started with the Kaiser Permanente HMO. My father worked for the fire department and they were the plan we had access too. Later when I was employed with the state I also had Kaiser so roughly I had them as an insurance carrier for approximately 15 years. In that period I gave birth to my children. I was always very happy with the quality of care and the doctors for the most part.. You paid one amount for your Dr. visit and at that time prescription's were $10.00. I was covered as an employee and paid for David and the kids which was a reasonable amount at the time..

When we moved to the mid-west it was the beginning of the insurance roller coaster. We have had to change insurance providers 4 times in 13 years and it seems to get worse than better.

In a nutshell I tried to listen as intently as possible last night and it sounded to me like Obama's plan has alot of shady areas, that I am not sure will really be good for our particular situation. Our options seem to get wrapped up in a pretty box and then once the box is opened the funny clown pops out.. Only my take..

When I look how it will affect the elderly (my in-laws) the only thing I can hear that I also heard from President Obama last night and ironically from my MIL yesterday is (I/they shouldn't have to make a decision on whether or not they should have enough money to pay their bills or buy prescription medication). Isn't it a sad state of affairs we have been put in the position to be in? I guess only time will tell...gee just one more thing you get to look forward to in the aging process.....

The Pressure to be Wise

After the last several weeks of a life in constant flux and turmoil I needed a little "me" time and pulled out the last issue of AARP Magazine that I hadn't had a chance to read on my downtime. The first thing that made me chuckle was the fact that Bruce Springsteen was on the cover. Yes he will turn the big 60 this year. It is hard to believe for me but then every time I hear someone either a celebrity or just us every-day-Joe's and Jenny's it still boggles my mind. I guess it is my attempt to not admit I am getting older right along with everyone else.

One of those moments was recently attending my 30 year high school reunion. Those years came flooding back as soon as I stepped into the room. My fears of not being good enough, what people perceive you to be or not to be, I know it is silly even after all these years but like everyone those were stressful times and fun times too. I am not exactly sure what outweighed the other even today.

The fact that my memory of events and people baffled alot of people because as anyone knows I am like an elephant and I don't forget things from the past, sometimes my present or close to present isn't that cloud free but think it's more by choice then not.


Everyone was still concerned of all there great accomplishments and those of there kids and yes grandkids but reunions are what they are and the experience was something I probably would do over again...Only time will tell....

In this same issue of AARP was an article with the above title. The article by Margaret Atwood chronicles her participation in a series of videos called Wisdom Keepers. Without having viewed these videos my take was that they are tools for just about anyone be it teenagers (young adults as they would prefer to be called), less young adults, thirty-somethings, middle aged and what the French call "that certain age" of mellow, mature.

I have always detested the categories we are always put in. I disliked being a pre-teen, (I never felt like I was taken seriously), from the age of 17-28 (I was always the youngster on the block no matter where I worked or was involved in) when I hit 30 (that was probably the black cloud in the room period, still not exactly sure why) and by the time you hit 40 you and everyone around you seems to forget your birthday right along with you whether by choice or the out of sight-out of mind syndrome..

One comment that the author makes was a little bit of a wake up call for me: At 20 you know everything. At 70 you're not so sure.... I am still a little bit one to shake my head at this because..what about the in between? Is this to mean that you are constantly learning either from the masters or non-masters and until you reach the age of maturity you aren't as wise as you think or as wise as other perceive you to be?

I have no crystal ball, yes I have a degree from the school of hard-knocks and my tough experiences by some probably are not as life shattering as other's but only time will tell.. When other's ask advice I think my new motto will be, "Hey I am just along for the ride, on the wisdom merry-go-round"...

As Dorothy Says, "Their's No Place Like Home"

With just a couple more days left on my bittersweet trip to CA, I have had many days to reflect on this whole excursion. For the last several days I have felt like Dorothy at the end of the Wizard of Oz...you always think things are going to be better somewhere else but when reality sets in your own backyard really isn't that bad after all.

Although I have enjoyed reliving the past with everyone I have seen on this adventure, it has been a little bittersweet. When we left California 13 years it was a rather big adjustment and sometimes as I have very vocally admitted it's been rough but now that I have been able to experience everything out here again, I have found, it's not really so bad. I guess I will have to pull up this blog each time I get a little upset at things.

When I look how it could have been I will admit I am a little glad that we did make the move. I know it was definitely better for all of us but especially for our kids. Midwest life is definitely alot different and I think I didn't allow myself to appreciate until now. Frankly, they need a few lessons on things out here but that would probably be a waste of time. Everyone seems to be so consumed in themselves and not really caring what goes on around them or in other places.

Maybe after almost 48 years I have finally admitted to myself I have grown up and instead of seeing the cup half empty it's really half full. That's happened alot this year, maybe that just means there is more good things to come and be happy with all that our family has.

So whenever I get a little out of line, just remind me about the California Trip of 2009

You Can't Go "Home" Again

I am at my halfway point on my two week excursion out to California for the first time in eight years. My how things have changed.. In one week Catalina Island, a 30 year high school reunion, and a trip to Disneyland to name a few...If that doesn't put your mind spinning. (For those who truly know me as a person you will be the only one's who will probably understand this comment)

Unfortunately, I think I like alot of people revert back to old memories and sometimes my expectations are slightly disappointing on how I would wish things to be the same.. Sadly, I know that's not the case anywhere anymore. Nothing can stay the same. Times, people, economics everything must change and move on. I guess I am having a little emotionally charged issue with that.

The term "out of sight, out of mind" keeps reverberating in me. Yes, e-mail and facebook and myspace are the new waves of communications but nothing beats the face-to-face contact with people.

People have asked me "is it different for you?" Oh yes!! The street names are the same and I have not gotten lost but only a few memorable landmarks still remain in a few places for me. The melting pot has gotten way to complicated for me and something I am glad I don't have to deal with quiet as much in small town America. Many friends have asked me "would I move back again?" I wouldn't mind short trips for a little "CA fix" but I can't believe I have to admit I think I have learned to enjoy the quiet back where we live...Those who I know back in my MO home are probably going to say "I told you so" and I will admit it.

I guess I just won't wait maybe as long to come out to visit, but sadly I don't think I could live here full-time again. I think maybe what I have gotten out of this trip up to this point is, not everything is always the way it seems (people and places included)..

It has been an experience and the good with the bad I am glad I have been able to come.. What doesn't kill me will make me stronger... I know enough with the quotes but...hey it seems to be what I'm coming up with to sum up this experience so far.....

Dealing with Everyday Issues-Post Partum, Empty Nesters and other Syndromes

This last week was one for the books. It started off getting expected news that mother-in-laws cancer was back and on to a new treatment. Something we expected but of course disappointing news.

From that low to the following day celebrating 25 years of marriage. Although we celebrated the last time David was home the day came and went with me pulling out my pictures from that day and brought with it some great and also painful memories. It was the day my life changed forever in not only one way but it was also the start of the spiraling down of my family that I grew up with for the first 21 years. The good outweighed the bad but I couldn't help feel that sadness creeping into my celebration. But the day wasn't a total bust, I treated myself to a massage and my friend rubbed all the toxic thoughts out of my mind.

The following three days were filled with lunches, dinners and topped off with my half-day beautification on Friday.

You are probably asking what does this have to do with the title of the blog? The topic of post-partum depression came up several times this week and it made me think of how hectic my life has pretty much always been no matter what point in time of my life. This is something I didn't experience with either of my children. I didn't have time. With our son Matthew I was back to work the required six weeks after birth. Yes I felt guilty but with no choice but to take him each morning to David's aunt I knew it was for the best. We needed the double income since we had only been married for a short time so I knew I was doing what was best for the family. 16 months later we were in a slightly different situation, I took a six month leave of absence. I had promoted up several positions since Matthew was born and felt I was able to take the time and spend with both of them.

I know I will probably get alot of raised eyebrows for this next comment but I would venture to say those who stay at home with there children have probably a higher percentage of going through post-partum then those who return to work quickly. The more time they have to try and juggle the time being at home 24/7 gives them no outlet to push through the possibility of being depressed. What we chose to do as individuals always raises some interesting debate. I have mentioned in several posts how stay-at-home moms and working moms get alot of flack. I have been on both sides of the fence. I chose to be a stay-at-home mom later in our children's lives but felt that would benefit them more in the long run. When they both went off the college I went through a short period of empty nester but I managed to pull up my boot strings and get involved not only in community groups but also continue to run our business and then another consultant business on the side.

As I began to reach the AARP age of maturity I think getting older puts me more into a funk sometimes than any of the other prior syndromes. But I always try and remember "Your as young as you feel" if you keep a young attitude things will always be in your favor. Keep active and try, try not to let things get you down. Would I do it over again? Yes but with a few minor changes of course, wouldn't we all truthfully??

Where Have we Come-Where are we Going-Health Care

I just finished reading a friend's blog and it got me thinking even more about where are health care is today and if there is any hope at all for health care to become something that will benefit everyone.

Her journey with her husband and Alzheimer's brought a new awareness for her that is still continuing even after his passing. She has a passion for bringing this disease its issues and hopefully some days its cure to the forefront. She is but one person that I personally have come in contact with in the past 4 years that each time another issue comes up it makes me stop and take notice of how inadequate our system really is. Where do we start? I'm not really sure. Sometimes for me just the thought not only makes my blood boil but my head spin. I am sure this is how everyone concerned feels but I know I feel every time something new crops its ugly head I feel not only defeated but totally helpless not only for my family but myself included.

Today my mother-in-law must go through another type of treatment for her melanoma. We were prepared ahead of time but when the words came out the process she must go through even before she can get pills in hand are in her case-- laughable.

This new treatment medicine was used back in the 40's and 50's during pregnancy to combat morning sickness. It was taken off the market many years ago after finding it caused severe birth defects in babies born during this era. Later they found that it helps many types of cancers.

While talking to the doctor today he stated that part of the process on seeing whether or not she will qualify to take it is to complete a phone survey on the use of the drug and to make sure that she doesn't get pregnant.. My first question to the doctor is why would the company not know that a 79 year old woman, mind you with a hysterectomy is unable to have children. He chuckled and stated, "that is their process, whether they require a call each time I am not for sure". I think she is obviously more concerned about whether she will be able to afford the medicine more than anything even with additional insurance.

Time and time again I keep hearing that "it's much more important to have insurance, and a higher deductible, than it is to have no insurance".. I am not so sure that I totally agree with this statement because it seems sometimes as though the people who have no insurance actually get better care than those with insurance.

I know for myself I prefer to pay my way in society but not to the point that it comes down to whether or not I can afford a procedure or to eat. Sadly, this has what it has come to for some.

I 'm still not sure where we are going, I seem to just be along for the ride.. Oh yeah, I am not a very good backseat driver....

Are You Who I Think You Are?

How many times have we heard this or another comment I love is "You look just like?" I have always heard we all have an identical twin in the world walking around. I can't count the amount of times I have been stopped no mater where I am in the country an told I look like someone, or don't I know you....

When I found out 20 years ago that I had been adopted as a baby (Yes at the age of 28 I was told I was adopted at birth) the above statements created even more of a mystery to me. After almost 7 years of researching (this was before the true internet age) one of the first things I found out was that my birthmother and grandmother lived almost within walking distance from the first home I lived in. Pretty bizarre!! Once you start the search process it is truly amazing how much your lives can truly parallel.

Our church has been celebrating 50 years in existence this year. Over the past several weeks they have invited former pastors to help celebrate with us. I have only been a member of this church for 5 years but not a Sunday goes by where someone thinks they grew up with me or ask me what year I graduated from the local high school. Then the story proceeds that I am not from the area. Actually in all the mysteries it is true that my material side is originally from MO and also from an area not far from where I live now but I really knew nothing about my Missouri roots until the whole adoption subject came up.

I had heard many stores about the pastor who recently visited. That he was young and fun and everyone hated to see him go. Ironically, when he left Sedalia he transferred to Arcadia, CA. Always the MO/CA connection. He had not been back since he left in the mid-70's and understandably he had difficulty putting names and faces together. As we left church and greeted the guests he abruptly grabbed my hand and pulled me toward him into a hug and said "I remember You!" and stated and name of one of the charter families of the church. I was a little startled and said "No I am sorry I am not". As quickly as he grabbed my hand in thoughts that he had knew me, he just as abruptly let go I assumed a little in embarrassment and said "Sorry I guess I don't know you".

Sometimes I really have doubts in the correct way to respond but I guess it's something over time you just accept, but not really sure if I ever will.

Too Much Multi-Tasking

I think one of the most notable traits of a good percentage of women today is multi-tasking. I often wonder why I have trouble turning off my thoughts when I settle into bed. I am thinking about what I need to do the following day, what my schedule is and how I can fit any tiny little thing in. Sometimes it takes alot. Other days I just want to turn off the phone, close the shades and sit in a dark, quiet room. Someone once told me I should consider taking yoga. Wait isn't that something where you listen to calming, peaceful music, stretch and bend into a pretzel? I do a form of it at home, usually while I am watching second running of daily soaps, in between commercials.. Oh isn't that another form of multi-tasking.

Lately on the weekends I tell David I am not going to turn on the computer when it comes to e-mails or even answer a work related phone call. Unfortunately the two of us usually spend at least one call during our many even on the weekends discussing work. This week was a little sketchy and I never got a chance to go to the market. I hate going on the weekends just because I know usually everyone else has to shop then but I just really couldn't wait another day so off I went. After stopping to chat during my supermarket trip to a friend and also my daughter (I still spent my usual one hour there) I came home to unpack my purchases. As usual I didn't hit the door without the phone ringing and it of course was my hubby. The pups were later than normal on their eating time and were jumping up and down creating havoc and I was also trying to unpack the groceries and talk on the phone at the same time. As I picked up the pint of blueberries the top popped open and out flew the whole entire pint on the floor. With phone in hand telling the dogs "don't eat them, don't eat them" they froze in there tracks. I told David I would have to call him back to discuss business as I had a blueberry explosion on the floor.

Note I am always reading how certain things make dogs either deathly ill or cause them certain death and I didn't know if blueberries were on that list. Our one dog Scooby heeded the command to step away from the blueberries, Snookie our Bison froze in sitting position but as several blueberries rolled in his direction he did what every dog does and attempted to pick one up only to after me yelling at the top of my lungs to "drop it" pop them out of his mouth. Bouncing blueberries either from atop a table or out of a pups mouth is amazingly funny. After scooping up the mess (including two that I stepped on and almost had another total catastrophe) the mess was done, groceries were put away and back on the phone I went to finish our business conversation.

I sometimes get from various people "how do you do it?" Hey I don't know. It's a part of my chemistry to do as many things as possible at one time. Will it ever change I doubt it. But at least in this I know, I am just like pretty much every woman in America...

Lady Liberty Open Again

Recently I heard on the news that the Statute of Liberty was going to be open all the way to the top starting July 4, 2009 for two years. After 9/11 all tours were stopped inside which if you have never experienced that tour is amazing.

In 1989 David and myself and several of my friends on the synchronized team I skated on called the "Fabulous Forties" participated in the National Championships in Providence, Rhode Island. After the event (we won!) a group of us decided to stay for several extra days and travel to Boston, New York City and other sites. Mind you this was in late March early April so the weather was still a little cool.

One of our many stops was on the ferry to the Statute. Ellis Island was not yet an attraction you could tour. They were still in the construction stages but we couldn't pass up the Lady Liberty Tour. It was a little intense and several were afraid of extreme heights so only a few of us actually got all the way to the top. Also if you have any tendency toward claustrophobia it is really not the place for you. When they say they are taking groups of 10 at a time that's a crowd. I remember that the closest I could compare the space in it to was as a child I played at a park that had a spaceship you could climb up into and slide down the slide. Anyway that's exactly what memory it brought back to me.

Let me say the experience was breathtaking. Unfortunately the day was really cloudy so the pictures didn't do it justice but just to say we were a part of it was something all of us will never forget.

We have a group picture of some of us standing on the 107th Floor of the World Trade Center which of course now is bittersweet. That is the only place in my entire life that I was slightly afraid of heights because the building moved so much.


Someday I hope to get back to that part of New York City and experience it all over again.

Our Farmer's Market

Our town has had several versions of a farmer's market over the past years. At one time it occupied space in a tucked away spot downtown, then there was people who congregated in a parking lot in one of our small shopping centers. Dotted around town shortly after the first spring picking you would see tables and umbrellas with people peddling their wares.

When Jennifer worked at a local store a few years ago one of her regular customers would be a little elderly man who lived in the country and brought his plants, fruits and veggies in the back of his pickup truck into town to sell. After spending hours a week he would stop buy for a "pop" and bring her plants, or tomatoes. You can't beat a homegrown tomato!

With all of the push for organic and "going green" it wasn't surprising when word spread they were going to start an organized farmer's market. I had heard from several friends that if you wanted the good stuff you had better get their early. 8-12 on Saturdays and Tuesday during the afternoon and early evenings. Of course when the time comes around I usually forget.

So today I made it a point to pop out of bed and rush down so I could see what all the hype was. Promptly at 8:02 a.m. I pulled around the corner of our Main and Grand Sts. I have to admit I was excited to see for myself all the goodies available.

Their was approximately 10 tents. Of course the Amish/Mennonite community was well represented with baked goods. A sprinkling of vegetables (tomatoes, cucumbers, blueberries) honey, plants, and woodcrafts. I know it will take time to grow and prosper and along with that the vendors will need to bring more products and hopefully the community will support it the best they can.

I admit I thought $5.00 for a large pint of blueberries was a little high but when you figure they are locally grown and fresh you have to suck it up. Also you are supporting the local people. Their vision is admirable I just hope it doesn't turn out like alot of things that start out with a bang. People have asked for it now let's support them.

Iconic Entertainer's of Our Times

Call it an old wives tale but how long have I heard when someone passes away it usually comes in three's. I have no idea who started that or what the reason behind it is exactly but I always think of this when I hear someone has passed on.

I have to admit I like many other young girls growing up in the 70's attempted the Farrah Fawcett "hairdo". No one ever tried to tell me it probably wouldn't work because my hair was so thick but the attempts were always there and I have several pictures throughout my life to show for it. Whether it be wearing curlers to get the effect or attempting to cut my own hair which turned out disastrously it was something in my childhood.

I wasn't a true Michael Jackson follower, but I remember when the Jackson Five came out and alot of their hit songs. When Michael went out on his own in the early 80's I remember his music was always popular at the skating rink. With his Thriller video that brought a whole litany of routines, costumes and such.

I can say I have never understood the desire for people to idolize entertainers whether it be movie personalities or musicians. They live a life in a fishbowl whether they want it or not. I know my time in the skating rinks I was privy to some of how "special" people are treated and the perks. The more they get the more some want. You can't say no to anyone because you are hard to work for or with. Trying to weed out the crazy people from the true people is almost impossible. This all causes you to isolate yourself because you don't really know who to trust. Are they there for you for the money or the fame they might be able to acquire because of you? Paranoia sets in. None of this would be fun for me, no matter how much money.

I remember when I was a part of the synchronized team the local paper wanted to do an article about us after one of our national championship wins. They came to the rink during one of our practices and pulled myself (because at the time I was one of the youngest and also one of the senior members) they asked the usual questions, when did you start skating? What was fun about being a part of a team? etc. I recall that I said after years of single skating I wanted to be a part of a championship team because I wasn't ready yet to hang up my skates at the ripe old age of 27. They took a picture of us and that was that.. I thought..

About a week later when I arrived at the rink for practice, the manager called me aside and said he had a piece of mail for me.. What? It was addressed to me in care of the rink.

When I opened it up it essentially read, "I read the article about you in the paper and as I love the music of the 40's (we skated to Big Band tunes) I would love to know when you are skating next to come and see you". "If you would like to write to me and let me know I would appreciate it". Signed.... I remember thinking at the time it was a little weird, but basically just disregarded it and never answered the letter. Was he a stocker, I don't know probably not just an innocent guy writing a letter. How would I have felt if suddenly I had gotten letters, calls and photographers posted at my home? I wouldn't have quit my skating but my life would have changed forever.

Farrah Fawcett can now be cancer-free. Michael Jackson I don't think we have heard the last of what his sudden death was caused from. Probably another sad and tragic end.

Father's Day

It was a pretty quiet Father's Day this year. David wasn't at home but he got calls from the kids and said he was going to call his Dad. I am sure that was a pretty short conversation as his Dad can't hear phone conversations because of his hearing loss, so it's basically yelling and repeating over and over. I did my wifely duties and sent the usual card from both of us and baked cookies for both parents last week. The cookies were probably more for my mother-in-law then for him but hopefully she allowed him a few.

Father's Day is typically bittersweet for me. I haven't had any communication with my adoptive father in over 25 years. It has always been difficult for me to try and explain to anyone the bizarre history of my family but in a nutshell it was his choice by a series of at the time unexplained situations that would come to a head on my wedding day. They all basically led up to three years later finding out I was adopted but I try and justify in my mind some people are just not meant to be father's (or mother's for that matter).

Recently in a internet search I believe I came upon some information that he passed away a few years ago. Unfortunately I really had no feelings one way or another in his possible death. He lived the life he wanted and that he ultimately made for himself and those around him. Although he taught me many useful things that I have tried to use throughout my life, there are still many that I have chosen not to follow.

My healing process is still in progress. I have chosen not to attempt to find my biological father by reason of some things are better left unexplored. I have always heard that you sometimes marry someone that is closely similar to your father. So with that I guess my father was a pretty amazing guy.

Switching from Analog to Digital It's Finally Over

If you get the feeling like I do when you see television commercials over and over and over again, that you just can't take it anymore this is for you. I catch myself like many switching when most commercials come on the television. Thank God for a remote control, right.

Target date June 12, 2009. It was postponed from I believe sometime in January and was I saddened when I realized that I would have to see these commercials for at least another 3-6 months. Truthfully I had thought that if you weren't connected to cable or had satellite that you didn't get any form of television viewing or otherwise didn't watch the "squawk box" as my Dad used to call it.

Growing up we had one, yes one television set. Black and white in our living room. At a time when everyone watched the same program and with no remote control. Imagine that. You had to actually get out of the chair and walk to the television and change the channel. Wow that I even remember those days is showing how old I am. Rabbit ears yes we had them and I can remember many a night when my Dad would have to get up and move them in anger. Sometimes we would have to watch our favorite shows with snow or lines running across the screen. In the 20 years I lived at home my parents never invested in a color set. I am not sure if it was because my father was so cheap or because he figured what was the point. You can be assured when I moved out a color set was the first on my list of purchases.

Today I hate to admit we have three televisions in our home. We had four but the one in the kitchen died on us a few months ago. I told David I had no plans to replace it. He actually looked at me as though I had lost my mind. I said, "There is no point, I really didn't need too". I even surprised myself with that statement. We haven't invested in a flat screen, or HD set like many others. I figure when the others die one by one will be soon enough. I figure I don't need to have a 72' inch or whatever massive sized sets they have now to be able to see my programs.

Ironically last night I saw one of those commercials revamped to say if you still were not receiving television transmission you would have to get a converter box. Dahh!!! if you weren't you wouldn't have seen the commercial..

Relay for Life Sedalia-2009

This was my first year participating in the relay and it was both an emotional and interesting experience.

For anyone who knows me they know that I am not a procrastinator at all. I usually plan things as much in advance as possible with very little wiggle room and I pride myself in that. Last year I had plans of walking with my niece's team with the credit union she works at. I knew when I agreed to do it that it was the week after Matthew's wedding but I figured all the stress would be gone and it would be no problem. Not... days after the wedding I got strep throat and was sick for a week. It turned out that the yearly relay had to be moved due to rainy weather so I wasn't too upset. I knew my donation was going to a good cause even if I couldn't fully participate.

I woke up Friday morning praying the weather would hold and they wouldn't have to move the venue again this year. It actually turned out to be a pretty reasonable day weather wise.

The evening started at 6:00 p.m. with the opening ceremony and the caregiver speaker who was the widow of our city mayor who passed away weeks ago from cancer. Next was the survivor lap of all those who have beaten, are in remission or are in a current battle with cancer. It surprised and saddened me how many people I knew in that lap. All ages and backgrounds.

The theme for this year's relay was "1980's Blast to the Past"-Back to the 80's Where Hope Began. Of course for me alot happened in this decade... I met my husband, had both my children, and found out I was adopted. Wow that's alot but for those who dealt with cancer it seems like so little.

Part way into the night they had a luminary ceremony where those who wished could purchase a luminary to put along the quarter mile track we were walking. As we walked around the darkened track illuminated only by the luminaries and our candles and the moonlight I was stricken with how many of those in honor or in memory I knew. I actually lost count after 10.

The youngest was a classmate of my daughter's who passed away our first year in MO. Sadly I had completely forgotten that she had died from a rather rare form of cancer.

If the evening could not have been more symbolic for me and when the tears came, I was walking around with my niece and my two great nieces and we were talking about my hairdresser who I had just attended her visitation the night before. I hadn't realized that her sister-in-law was the nurse that had been taking care of Stacie during her last three weeks in the hospital. We were commenting on how hard it had been this time to deal with her care when the wind blew our candles out. As another one of our team stopped to help us light our candles I looked over to the luminary I was standing in front of and it was Stacie's! We both said it must have been some sort of sign from her. Call it what you may, for those of us who believe in that sort of thing it brought a chill.

It was also bittersweet for us because my niece mentioned that she wished her grandma (my MIL) could have walked a lap. I too had that wish but for some who have this disease it just is not to be. but to coin the words on the front of the program-Relay for Life is the hope that those lost to cancer will never be forgotten, that those who are battling cancer will be supported, and that one day cancer will be eliminated.

I know in my heart I have done my utmost to mark several things off the list that the Fight Back Ceremony represented. Participants are drawn to this event because of the desire to fight back against cancer. Everyone must have a year long commitment to fighting this disease to make a real impact. Be it getting your own mammogram, persuading a loved one to get a colonoscopy, helping as a caregiver in whatever way you are able, contacting your legislators and relaying your support for new laws and health care reform, whatever you do it is a step in the direction of someday getting a cure for all cancers.

When Someone is Taken so Young

I haven't been able to put my finger on it but as each day goes by it's always so hard no matter what age you are to hear when someone you know passes away. I don't know if it makes me think of my own mortality or how I try and look to my own spirituality. It just never gets any easier and I doubt if it ever will.

As I wrote in an earlier post, my first experience with death was at age 17 when my grandpa passed away. For me it was a shock that he passed even though it was approximately two weeks worth of hospital visits and vigils. When the call came, I remembered thinking "no it's just not possible". It took me a long time to really accept that he was gone and not a day goes by that I don't wish he was here today. I think he would be very proud of me and my family. I only have one picture of him that proudly sits on my dresser.

This past weekend I received a phone call from my current hairdresser with news that my previous one had passed away. It wasn't a surprise, as she had been stricken with lung cancer and was battling it for the past 2-3 years. When diagnosed she was stage 4 and was given only a short time. So the fact that she struggled for as long as she did was amazing in itself. The hard part was she was 38 years old.

When I first met Stacie she had just graduated from college and decided doing hair was going to be her life. I remember the first time I saw her I crossed my fingers that she would be the one. After moving from California and having the same stylist do my hair for many years I was a little worried that I would not be able to find someone I liked. I had tried for about one year with no luck and was about ready to travel on trips to California if I had too. Stacie and I hit it off immediately and she continued to do not only my hair but David and the kids for the next 10 years. As everyone knows anyone who has their hair done compares there stylist to a psychologist. They hear stories about just about every part of your life, your families and the local town gossip. Stacie was no different, but she did it in a way where you felt she was just another good friend. I always teased her because she resembled the pop singer Christina Aguilera.

Don't get me wrong I like my current stylist but he will never be Stacie. Her smile would light up a room, her bubbly personality was always so refreshing.

Goodbye my friend, I know you are in a better place, it's just that you were taken so young, with so much more to live, but I know I will see you someday. So save a spot in your appointment book for me...

Reading Material That Caught My Eye

A couple of years ago when David turned 50 he immediately started getting literature in the mail regarding retirement planning and other things regarding reaching the other half of one's life. I unmercifully teased him every chance I could and as usual he took it with a grain of salt. His usual return comment is "your not that far behind girl". When the first of the "junk mail" as he called it came we thought he might as well sign up to become an AARP member. I had remembered years ago when my grandparents belonged and they received a magazine on a monthly basis. I never read the stories but enjoyed the puzzles, word finds that were always inside.

When his first magazine arrived I eagerly thumbed through each page. I found no word finds or really anything of interest. The cover story is usually about a entertainment personality. This month though the cover really caught my eye.

I have always loved the old black and white shows from the 50's and 60's. I think I could quote almost every I Love Lucy show and still laugh at stunts I have seen her do for years. If you really watch long enough episodes of Leave it to Beaver still hold true today. Whenever there is a marathon of any of the popular shows I am eagerly their watching as if it was my first time. I guess it takes us back when television watching was so carefree and you didn't have to worry about profanity or sexually explicit things that you would rather not see.

Saturday they had a Andy Griffith Show marathon most of the afternoon David and I sat and watched a couple. At a time when most families had two parents and siblings it was a stretch that the single Andy and his son Opie and Aunt Bea was not what I knew as a traditional family.

Well when I retrieved the mail guess who was on this months AARP-Ron Howard (Opie). Today Opie is 56 years old and a grandpa. Hard to believe I know! Even though I know everyone; including myself is getting older. It was hard to look at that balding, older Opie. I loved the story and how he has not and never succumbed to the "Hollywood" childhood that we see so much of today. He came from a showbiz family but still is just like everyone else.

As I said to David (I hate to admit it) "Now I know I am old when Opie is on the cover of AARP"..

The Sedalia Snake Story

Their probably isn't a day that goes by that I don't long for the days of my life in the big city. I seem to have had alot of those days lately. I always weigh the pros and cons of living out in rural America. Yes it's cheaper, yes its quieter, (sometimes the silence is deafening) I doubt I will ever get used to the fact that you can't do anything it seems without everyone knowing your business. That grapevine gets tighter and tighter it seems.

Animal life in the big city was usually a squirrel on the power lines and an occasional parrot that escaped from the old Busch Gardens at the brewery. I once heard if you caught one they were worth thousands of dollars but never knew of anyone that actually got close enough to catch one.

Since moving here we have had alot of wildlife around. At one time we had rabbit families living underneath our shed but after a good windstorm blew that down several years ago we really don't see alot of rabbits. Owls, the occasional hawk and one possum has somehow made it into the yard but with our two boys guarding the yards they don't stay long either. Deer, fox, and coyotes are found outside city limits, so we are shielded from that wildlife in town.

About three years ago we sold Matthew's basketball backstop which hadn't moved from it's spot for many years. When a friend of mine came to take it off our hands as we moved it away a baby "snake" slithered under the slab. I am not a reptile person, and snakes have always scarred the crap out of me. I won't even go to the exhibits at the zoo or fairs if that says anything. So I figured if I never saw it again it was fine by me.

Fast forward to last week. Since we re-sodded the front yard the boys have been passed between the large backyard with no back fence and the dog run I borrowed from a friend. They haven't been happy that they lost their front yard but have adjusted to exploring the backyard, something they really haven't done in their seven years of life. One morning I let them out and stepped off the back step to find a rather large remnant of shed snakeskin. Of course I knew if it was off , the actual snake was probably not far away.

The last several days I have cautiously tiptoed out every time I am out their. Believe me if I saw it my screams could probably be heard for miles. Well the search ended last night. David took the boys out for a stroll in the yard and he yelled out "Cindy your friend is back". That's all I needed I flew back in the house with him yelling "get the shovel". As far as I was concerned he could go get the shovel himself without any help from me. As I flung the shovel over the fence to him from about 20 feet away. With two swipes the snake was in two pieces. Of course in the typical male form he picked it up to show me his kill. What is it about men!!

It's times like this I really would rather be back in the city....

Wearing Many Hats

As a parent you never know what will be asked of you from your family. I have done things I didn't want to do and also on the flip side things I have jumped at the chance to tackle head on. When it comes down to our children it has always been a little difficult for me not to jump in and do things for them at various times while they were growing up. I think every parent battles this issue, some more than others.

Several years ago I first heard the term "helicopter parent". I am not sure who coined this phrase but it is something I know I am not. When the kids were growing up when it came down to school projects that they were required to do, I took from how my parents raised me, they stood in the background, gave little to no help when it came down to it.

I always had to bit my tongue when I would go to parent nights at there schools, you could always pick out the projects that the parents had put a little more into than the children so that their child would get the highest praise. Why they don't realize it doesn't help their kids but hurts I will never know. I have always felt, you don't need to praise your children everytime they take a breath, that's not how the world is and you are guaranteed to fail at least once so be prepared, it helps for them to fall down, believe me it does!

I remember when our son was in Boy Scouts and he needed to build his pinewood derby. He knew his Dad loved woodworking so he asked his Dad for a few tips. Although David told him what he thought he needed to do with the tools and gave a little extra support he sanded, painted and shaped that piece of wood into a 1st place winner. That is one of many things we always prided ourselves in teaching our kids, if you start something finish it to the best of your ability. That held true throughout school and has now spilled over into their careers.

When Jennifer from early on loved taking pictures, little did we realize that would be what she would ultimately want to do. (She first wanted to be a veteranarian). When she was in high school and did the photos for the yearbook for two years I admit I tried to give her a little push for photojournalism. A little of I guess the "storyteller" thought she would be great at it. Also she would be able to travel all over to wonderful places. I admit I guess I was living out a little dream.

Later when she came to us and said the two best schools in the country were in Santa Barbara, CA or Turners Falls, MA, we really didn't know what to think. Coming from CA I new #1 Santa Barbara is very expensive, #2 the school basically was "on your own, no housing facilities" you get the drift. I immediately thought Turners Falls, sounded like Bedford Falls from "It's a Wonderful Life". So off we went on spring break to visit. It was your typical New England town and they had all the attributes of a school we knew she would get the right education for photography. Some of the top photographer's in the country and the world have went their or taught at.

Well after her year their, graduation and a really tough start, (especially coming back to Sedville and trying to start a business) she had her first wedding this weekend. I have to say I was proud that she asked me to be her "photographer's assistant". I really didn't do much other than carry the camera bag but the previledge to be their was wonderful.

The Mom in me was so proud, to be able to stand back and let her do her job. The more she does the more comfortable she will become. I know I was pretty comfortable and previledged to be a Mom that knew "I think her Dad and I did a pretty damn good job"..

Memorial Day Remembrance

On a previous posting I have written a little about my granpa Conner. For most of my life he was the only war hero that I knew. As the stories went he was one of several kids living in Bluefield, West Virginia when he enlisted in the U.S. Navy. He was a Boatswains mate. Of course he was proud of his duties during the war, but rarely did he talk about any of his time overseas. I knew he was in China, Japan, Australia and New Zealand and ports in between. He like most who were in any of the branches of service kept those stories private to a point.

When asked once why he didn't eat Chinese food, his comment was "I ate enough of the sh** overseas". He had trunks of treasures from that time, he also kept a scrapbook on board ship and my granma kept one at home. His were mostly about the various newsworthy stories that were going on at the home front and hers were stories about battles where he was plus all the special letter's he would send to her and my mom.

One of the stories I remember and could never really verify was that he was at home on leave when they hit Pearl Harbor. He was a part of the Battle at Midway also and was injured by shrapnel in the stomach. For the rest of his life he needed to wear what looked like a woman's corset.

Even after he left the Navy, it was always a part of his life. The only color my grandparents ever painted their house was "battleship grey", he wore grey Chino's (hence his nickname).

I sometimes think that's part of my love for the State of Hawaii. Both trips we have made the boat ride to Pearl Harbor. I feel a sort of connection with my granpa in that if he would have been on ship he would have probably never been a part of my life.

When I make my trip to CA this summer I will be paying my respects to him at his resting place. Overlooking the Vincent Thomas Bridge, crossing the Port of Los Angeles. High on a hill looking out at the water he loved.

Not a day goes by that I don't miss you and wish so much to tell you how special you were.

A Rose is a Rose If you Leave it Alone...

With another beautiful day of sunshine I thought I really should attempt to finish the weeding I started last week. I know I will need to go back over the area I originally did but it won't be as bad as the one dreaded corner in our landscape that I hate to do and can't seem to get anything to grow their. The southeast corner always seems to get overgrown by several different kinds of unwanted, unrecognizable sprigs. I have all but given up trying to plan anything in that corner for several reasons.

Our dogs tend to run through the planter box which leave it difficult to maintain any pretty flowers or plants. We have several shrubs that you can't really hurt to much, and the birds seem to nest inside them anyway.

We we first moved to this house I was so looking forward to being able to plan a variety of different rose bushes and flowering plants. We had a vegetable garden in our backyard at our house in CA and had a front corner that I planted several roses and other flowers in. Our first year here I eagerly bought three rose bushes and eagerly awaited the beautiful flowers. Needless to say one by one they died, I never could figure out if it was the ground content or lack of but I gave up on roses.

Several years after we lived here one spring as I was weeding I noticed what looked like a rose bush sprout out from underneath the foundation of the house. I left it alone and it grew like a weed, it didn't flower that year but I eventually pruned it back and each year since I have gotten at least one bud. This year I left it alone and it has about seven roses. After years of observations I believe it is a climbing rose bush. This isn't the only plant that has mysteriously appeared in the yard. Several ferns appear at end of spring into early summer that end up like large fan looking sprays. They actually help keep the area cool and look rather exotic.

David and I have figured that before we moved hear that the house probably had alot of overgrowth and the owners whacked everything down to nothing and that it took several years to recover.

I have resigned myself to only keeping hanging geraniums (you usually can't kill those very easily, and they also keep the bugs away).

Like the song "I Left my Heart in San Francisco", well "I Left my Green Thumb in Los Angeles" I guess...

Being Accountable and What It Really Means

As a child growing up our household dynamic was my Dad was a firefighter for the Los Angeles County Fire Department and my Mom was as my Dad liked to put on our tax records a Domestic Engineer. I never exactly knew if he was being snide or if he thought that sounded more professional. It was his choice that she not work although her education had been nursing. She graduated in one of the first classes at the local community college in the late 50's as a LPN. I never really figured out if she was upset that she never got to work outside the home but I remember them both saying "Be independent and self-sufficient and depend on no one". I had my first job at 17 in a local bank as a "check filer". Today that job is done by machine but I thought it was so cool everyday after school to go down and spend 2 1/2 hours a day seeing what the local companies spent their money on. I distinctly remember one of the larger alcohol distributors had numerous bounced checks. It was a fun job for a 17 year old and I was pumped that I got $60.00 a week.

Two weeks after graduation I received notices from the State of California wanting to hire me as an entry-level clerk. I had a couple choices and picked the Employment Development Department Job Bank. I worked in one of several throughout the state that employers called when they needed jobs filled. It was definitely an interesting place and some of the other employees would tell me some of the interesting people they would come across both on the phone and in person. I never could understand why some of the applicants would work the system and basically just appear at the office to say they had been out on job interviews (when they hadn't and the determinations officer would have to decide whether or not to approve there unemployment checks).

Now with the economy as it is, a recent conversation took me back to that time. I have several people I know who are getting unemployment because they have been laid off, they haven't really attempted to find other work or when they were asked to return to work they would rather claim the unemployment. I have never been in this situation, never received a cent of unemployment but I guess this general attitude bothers me a little.

I know everyone makes choices: We made a life changing one when we made our big move almost 13 years ago. I knew when we started our business early on that we could go anywhere in the country and still run our trucking business, but my specific job being a civil servant was a little more difficult. At the time I had worked 16 1/2 years in several different capacities, had benefits, seniority. I knew I would never be able to make the amount of money I had before in the area I was moving too and without more education behind me it would be more beneficial to our family for me to stay at home at run the other half of the business.

Yes to some I might be a Domestic Engineer (I do have to do housework) I do the office aspects of running our business (phones, computer, bills, quotes, purchasing, public relations, filing, advertising, you get the idea), When the kids were still at home I was taxi-mom, activities chairperson). I have also added in the last several years part-time caregiver to my in-laws, somehow in the span of 24 hours I volunteer for a couple organizations in the community and church, I try and have some "me" time. But I guess my point is people just assume because I don't get dressed up everyday and leave the house for 8-12 hours a day and actually get a paycheck with my name on it, I don't work... I knew from the get-go I would have to tackle this dilemma.

Try as I might I try to ignore the rude and insensitive comments. Recently while at the hospital someone mentioned they had seen a picture of me in the paper from a recent activity I belong too. The other person in the room made a comment something to the affect "I didn't know you worked?". My reply, "I work everyday". The room went silent. Enough said the conversation went to something else.

Point being, I probably work harder than alot of people I know who actually get a paycheck every week. My multi-tasking skills have taken on a life of their own, sometimes I am so busy I can hardly catch my breath. Sometimes I question my path I have taken because sometimes I know I depend on my husband for all the hard work he has to do. We all do what we have to do to survive in this world. Some people just do it a little differently than others...